Why I'll never stop buying GME, and why you probably should
When I turned 18, there was a casino about 2 hours away on a reservation that I could get into. We'd get paid on Friday night, head to the gas station near us that would cash a paycheck, pile into my crappy little Ford, then make the drive. We'd get there a little before midnight and everyone had their own game. The second time we went, one of my friends was hypnotized by the craps table. There were 16 players standing around this sea of green, and every minute or so, you could hear them screaming at the top of their lungs like they just won a million dollars. On the way home that night, I taught him everything I learned from books I'd read about the different bets. "Smart" bets where the house edge was only 1.4%, all the way down to the risky ones where the house edge was over 10% (meaning that for every $100 wagered, you should expect to lose $10). The next time we went, we hung around the table, trying to figure out the right way to bet. It seemed a little complicated, so we tried other games. At the end of the night, I had the last $10 and he asked if he could borrow it to go place a bet. I handed it over, then went to the bathroom in preparation for the ride home. When I finally found him again, he had a stack of chips in front of him. He had been gone for about 5 minutes and already turned $10 into a few hundred. Well, if you can turn 10 into 100, you can turn 100 into 1,000 just as easily. We left empty handed that night, but I'll never forget the rush. I loved blackjack. I learned how to play at an early age from my uncle, who would always cheat and take my money. He'd say "I just taught you a very valuable lesson." He actually taught me two: 1) if you play against a casino, you may have a good night and win thousands of dollars, but if you keep going back, you'll eventually have nothing left. 2) My uncle was a scumbag who continually cheated and took my money, then told the family I was a poor sport and they couldn't understand why I hated doing anything with him. One of my earliest memories at the casino was running $100 at the blackjack table into $3000, which is more than I made in a month of bussing tables. I went home, paid my rent and blew the rest on useless things I can't even remember. What does any of this have to do with $GME? Well I'm still chasing the same high as I was when I was 18. I don't go to the casino anymore, but I've got something even better on my computer. I bought $2k worth of weeklies on Jan 25. Before everything crashed, they were worth over $100k, more than enough to fix most of the problems I've caused in my life. BUT, I was still standing around that craps table. The roller had just made his 30th point in a row, $GME was on fire and couldn't possibly roll a 7! I put my 2k back in my pocket and shoved the rest on the pass line. A few minutes later, the croupier inevitably yells "7 out!" and just like that, I'm back to nothing. Now I do what every moron around the table does. You reach back into your pocket, pull out the 2k and make a deal with your maker. "Just let it happen one more time. I won't be greedy THIS time and I'll stop when I hit 50k." I stop looking at the smart bets and start eyeing the center of the table, where hard ways are paying 10:1. Yeah, that'll be how I get back to 50k. A couple of those in a row and I can put a down payment on a house. 5 minutes later, I'm on my way out to the car and I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Again. Every one of you in this subreddit is another person sitting at the casino. Everyone has their game. The people holding $GME stonks right now? You're playing baccarat. If you've never heard of it, it's what James Bond plays in the old movies. It's about the most boring thing you can do. Two hands are dealt and you're betting on which one wins before anything happens. There's no actual skill and it's the same thing as betting heads or tails, while losing 1% of your bet every time. The people who cashed out and picked something else like $AMC or $BB? Those are the slot players. You had a big hit and now you're going to switch machines because the other ones are "due". You're looking for the exact same magic, thinking there was something smart in your play, when it was really just dumb luck in timing. The people saying "If Daddy Elon or Cowboy Cuban gets in, we can trigger a squeeze!" You're the guy who spent too much money in the first 20 minutes of the trip and now you're begging everyone else for a loan. Tldr: Nothing is happening with $GME. Stop saying "tomorrow is the day." Billionaires are not coming to bail you out. If institutional investors come in, they're waiting for this constant downhill slide to end at where the stock belongs, probably around $20. You can't trigger shit by holding. The HFs will outlast you. Edit: Screenshots from the worst 40 minutes of my financial life https://imgur.com/a/MlTRJmx Edit 2: JFC, some of you are takin WSB way too seriously. You should not be using reddit for DD. Also, this is not financial advice. Don't take financial advice from someone who tells you stories about chasing highs at casinos. Edit 3: This is WSB, my dudes. I'm glad most of you were entertained by my story. For the few of you who got that worked up by a random stranger on the internet telling you that he's a degenerate, you may actually have a problem. https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/
"I think I've lived long enough to see competitive Counter-Strike as we know it, kill itself." Summary of Richard Lewis' stream (Long)
I want to preface that the contents of this post is for informational purposes. I do not condone or approve of any harassments or witch-hunting or the attacking of anybody.
Richard Lewis recently did a stream talking about the terrible state of CS esports and I thought it was an important stream anyone who cares about the CS community should listen to. Vod Link here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/830415547 I realize it is 3 hours long so I took it upon myself to create a list of interesting points from the stream so you don't have to listen to the whole thing, although I still encourage you to do so if you can. I know this post is still long but probably easier to digest, especially in parts. Here is a link to my raw notes if you for some reason want to read through this which includes some omitted stuff. It's in chronological order of things said in the stream and has some time stamps. https://pastebin.com/6QWTLr8T
Intro
"The last month has convinced me, that we are going to be heading into a dark place for Counter-Strike esports in 2021."
"I think I've seen the scene essentially kill itself."
"For the past 5 to 6 years, we've basically been in a holding pattern of people coming into our game wanting to run it, wanting to run all of the esports and wanting to profiteer and its been sort of a concerted effort to drive them off and push them away."
"We're spread way too thin."
"If Riot don't get involved and stop the scumbags that have moved over to Valorant from getting their feet under the table, Valorant is going to have real problems."
RL thinks too much has happened all at once for us to do anything except watch it play out, like:
Recent CSPPA strike against BLAST
ESIC failures and them not being supported enough
Teams cheating i.e. coaches/bugs
Widespread match fixing
The Pandemic
"People who try to hold bubble events are so incompetent and fuck up and people get the 'rona and its their fault."
"People who say Flashpoint is a bubble is full of shit and is a lie and people are now suffering for that lie."
"To save money they let people go home and break the bubble for a week."
"Not just Flashpoint peoples decision, they have a partner that handles the production." (hinting FACEIT)
"People are trapped in hotels essentially under house arrest because of COVID restrictions and has fucked peoples lives up."
"It's all too much, all of this incompetence, all of this greed, maybe we ride it out."
RL says he has talked to the Riot devs (the ones working on Valorant) and says, "They are so cognizant of all the fuck ups and all the problems we have in Counter-Strike."
He continues to say that this is factored into their business plan and that we never had a competitor, but just so happens to have one coincide, when we are at our worst.
CSPPA - Counter-Strike Professional Players' Association
"Who does this union really fucking serve?"
RL believes that the CSPPA is a mockery.
He points out the hypocrisy that they wouldn't strike for the pros who were kicked out of ESL Pro League, or for Jamppi or dream3r.
He also says ESL paid CSPPA and are racketeering and many other TOs have to pay them to get their "seal of approval"
He says they would strong-arm TOs saying "well if you don't give us the money, these guys are so we'll just have to commit to playing their event."
Also points out that they will strike against a competitor they are not in agreement with (Flashpoint)
RL: "It's what it says about every other time you haven't done it and it's about every time you don't do it now moving forward." "The issues they've chosen to ignore this year alone are embarrassing."
Then he points out that there was no strike for Valve qualifiers even if we have no major but Jamppi and dream3r can't play in them.
"and Valve have said 'Oh yeah we know actually their stories are accurate, Jamppi didn't cheat, now in a legally binding document. Yep dream3r did have his account hacked in a LAN café', but they still can't play. Where is the fucking solidarity? Gone. Doesn't exist. It's not important [because] it doesn't affect you." "That's what the union does right now, it looks after all the tier 1 people."
He says the CSPPA doesn't represent all players all the time and has driven a divide where you have the haves and have-nots
"We have a tier of players that operate with impunity and do not help their tier 2 or tier 3 players out at all." "If you are not a tier 1 player you do not matter, they don't event ask your opinion."
He tells chrisJ to admit and own the fact that the reason he didn't speak up during the ESL Pro League debacle is because it didn't affect him
"They are looking after some players at the expense of other players. How the fuck is that a union?"
He says the BLAST situation is a reasonable dispute and supports the players but is not the right time for a strike and have not even identified the correct enemy
He thinks players are lashing out now due to previous incidents and are upset that BLAST are working with ESIC
He stated that CSPPA shouldn't beefing with ESIC and they should be working in harmony
He says what they need to do is talk with the teams/organizations that have sold that right to BLAST
RL: "Your employers, the people who pay you that massive exorbitant salaries, when you don't stream and you don't do interviews and you offer no value beyond your ability to click heads and you get 25k dollars a month." "Why don't you talk to them about it? Oh right. You're happy to take away BLAST's paper, but you don't want to risk your own."
"I am seeing such unbelievable cowardice from the players here with the battles you choose."
"Where was the strike action when in the qualifiers for the world championship, there were teams and players engaged in huge conflicts of interest?" "Where was the strike action when your image rights were taken and sold to every league you've ever been in every union type organization you've ever been associated with like, WESA, to your org every time you sign a contract, to the leagues you play in."
"Your image rights are essentially worthless now, there's about 10 fucking separate parties that have them, and how many of them are giving you anything for it? Not much pretty much your org by the way."
"That's a big issue. Your image is you, your image is your brand. What are you doing about that? Nothing."
He is also angry at SirScoots who is "popping off" at people on Twitter who all want the same thing, which is 'A unified Counter-Strike scene for everybody, that works for everybody, that has a sustained ecosystem that nourishes everybody.' "We don't have that now."
He also says their rankings are a joke
"Just so happened, oh look TACO, that very important prominent member of the board, we pushed his team artificially up when they weren't even in the fucking top 20, not by a long shot."
He also says the ineptitude of the CSPPA cost Flashpoint a monitor sponsor
"Is it really a player association or is it like a fucking agency at this point"
ESIC - Esports Integrity Commission
"They have been put in an impossible position."
RL says that Ian Smith, the founder of ESIC and who was done work in mainstream sports, is a good and honorable man who has dedicated his life to integrity and sports. He takes on both sides, ensuring match fixers are punished, but also doing appeals and ensuring those punishments were fair.
"ESIC is a tiny organization" and are in need of money, "They didn't run a grift like the CSPPA did."
"Saying 'you want our support and you want the players to turn up you better pay us.' They don't do that."
"Had startup seed money from MTG and since then they've been pecking shit with the hens."
Ian Smith made sure that the money given by MTG (Modern Times Group, parent company of ESL, ESEA, DreamHack) was nothing more than startup money and wouldn't be in debt to them
Ian Smith sat down with other TO's not part of MTG and wanted to partner with them. They declined and called ESIC "ESL spies and we will never align ourselves with you"
"They only were just able to afford, hiring a PR guy on a full time salary to deal with the press and send out those releases you've seen, this year."
"They have a tiny group of staff investigating these things and they have taken on the biggest problems in our scene: the cheating, the match fixing."
ESIC have had "unprecedented levels of cheating to deal with, because there's something wrong with our scene ever since we went online. There's something wrong with it, everyone's lost their fucking pride and self-respect and they got no passion for it anymore, so they think fuck it, what's in it for me?"
He calls out coaches who are talking about players rights when they would rob and steal from them.
Also says more coaches being banned are coming
He also points out flaws in community's reaction to the punishments to coaches bans: "Half of the cunts still have jobs and some of the cunts got new jobs. We didn't even shun the cheating coaches."
ESIC have "found I think another 2 or 3 exploits like that one and they are investigating them all right now, it's going on right now."
"I know that there are going to be more names getting banned, again."
"So they're doing that on a skeleton crew while, investigating 3 continents worth of match fixing in MDL and semi-pro level CS." "They're doing this with half a dozen people." "They don't have any money or any help. People barely even fucking cooperate with them, they are treated like pariahs. It's ridiculous."
"Why are the CSPPA popping off at ESIC on my Twitter timeline, when you should be working together." "because its all about what's in it in for me." "2020, the online era of CS: 'What is in it for me?' How can I cheat, how can I get my paper, how can I bleed this scene one last time before I fuck off and play shooty shooty bang bang Riot Games babys first fps."
RL says that in the CIS region, teams have gone to tournaments and have been eliminated multiple times by the same team. We found out they were cheating and those players who lost, have been cut from their roster, careers ended because of cheaters.
Stream Sniping
"They're all at it in the online era, they're all at it, they're all cheating, they're all using exploits, probably that see through smoke bug got used a bunch of times"
RL talks about how there is no integrity from dead (the player), always denying when caught doing something
On the topic of 'BLAST never said we couldn't stream snipe': "Lies, BLAST never said you could do that, they had to sort of retcon it." "because what happened after that they fucking started snitching and squealing"
"Suddenly you had like, 10 of the top 15 teams in the world, staring into the abyss of being banned for 6-12 months in line with ESIC recommendations."
He says that ESIC was put in a tough situation and couldn't enforce the bans because it would have resulted in killing CS. What resulted was, BLAST, ESIC, and teams came together and gave them a warning and told them, in RL's words "don't do this again or you're gonna get got."
He then says the top teams brushed this off and didn't give a fuck
The new MiBR team playing Flashpoint, that wasn't involved in the previous incidents are doing it again (stream sniping). He gave credit to Flashpoint for the quick resolution and punishment and respect for cogu's response to the situation.
"ESIC came out and said, once more, 'Guys, zero tolerance from now on.'" RL then got upset at community's reaction calling ESIC "pussies" for their non enforcement and said if we want competitive CS we cant ban the top 10 teams.
He points out how players have no integrity and will do anything for an edge as long as they won't get detected or banned or it's within a grey area.
"All of this shit was mad avoidable, even in the pandemic era."
He talks about why aren't we filming them. Why aren't there representatives for leagues and tournaments making sure players aren't cheating?
Match Fixing
"How many years have we let our scene be fucking pillaged by these greedy cunts?" "We just let it happen."
RL says that gambling and skins betting which existed in moderation was "accelerated and blown up by the Call of Duty greedy fucks."
"Never forget TmarTn was on the board of EnVyUs." "His website, CSGOLotto, they had a bunch of off-the-books sponsorships." "NBK promoted them. People forget."
"Those people who had access to the skins, go to the players" "Even people like s1mple, best player in the world, even he scammed knives and skins off fucking fans."
Owners of skin casino sites would approach pros and lend them skins to use in tournaments and possibly keep them after reaching a deal
Players would tip off inside info about matches and teams in exchange for skins. Info such as: roster changes, how they played in scrims
They would use this info to bet and subvert the odds on their sites. "That happened religiously, I can't even tell you how many times it happened."
"I had access to the biggest database of information, from an inside betting circle in NA, and it would take information and screenshots from other pro players, who were feeding them info in exchange for money or skins."
"Some of these players are still playing." "Incredibly, there are players still in the CSPPA today, complaining about the BLAST recordings, that were embroiled in this murky shit back then."
RL also says that there were tournaments where teams contrived with each other, who should throw, who should win.
"There's a handful of people that are trying to fucking clean it up, and you think you get something over the line and you see something like the CSPPA and it's run by corrupt fucking chuckle heads, and now you've got another corrupt body you have to fight on a fucking daily basis, it's demoralizing."
"It's too far gone. Our entire semi-professional scene is compromised."
"It's rife guys, I'm not going to lie any more. It's not just China, it's not just Russia, it's here, it's NA, it's Europe, it's Australia, so much more than you think, so much more than we can prove."
"I get sent chat logs all the time […] and they're morons, these players, short-sighted, amateur, morons and they're doing it on WhatsApp." People would get cut from the bets because they want to make more money, then they leak the logs. He says, from the chat logs, they spread "little" bets across every site they can (400 to 1k dollars) to prevent shifting odds
He says the scumbags who've fucked off to Valorant will do the same there if Riot doesn't do something and says Valorant "is an esports scene heading for a very early fall based on the sheer volume of scumbags that are already there."
"That's tier 2 CS in a nutshell these days. They know they're never going to play in a major, so what's the punishment?"
"All of these tier 2 fucks that are fixing games now they are like the fucking mafia compared to iBuyPower" "These guys are working with organized criminals to fix entire seasons worth of games. That's what's going on in your tier 2 CS."
"I'm literally being told that there are players fixing games at all levels of Chinese esports and motherfuckers with guns are turning up to team houses and stuff."
North America
"Everyone in NA has left we've lost a continents worth of support during this pandemic and Valve haven't said a fucking word."
RL says the Call of Duty "goblins" that destroyed CS for years are the same people who are now trying to leave CS. "The nerve to treat a game where the fans, and the community, and the TO's were nothing but good to you." "To just kick the players out now and go and leave and say 'It just doesn't make financial sense.' Oh you'll slither back when we have a major though for them stickers won't you."
There's a cascading effect in NA where people don't bother with CS anymore and people like Chaos suffer.
He says NA team owners are incompetent for always wanting it easy and always wanting a guarantee on their investment without skill or nuance.
RL says he would be able to market a team correctly and would have a good ROI and also points out how TSM wouldn't even be bothered to tweet that their team, which was one of the best in the world, was playing at the Major.
He also says not all NA owners are like that, compliments and respects Jason Lake who nearly lost everything to keep Complexity going.
He then calls out the incompetence in Infinite Esports when they acquired OpTic Gaming and bought an Indian CS team.
He says HECZ is not to blame here and that they couldn't tell forsaken was cheating when it was so obvious.
They measured his reaction time to the likes of dev1ce and s1mple
When an enemy showed up on his screen he won that duel something like 44% of the time
"was like the number 1 player in the world statistically"
He brought a laptop to their bootcamp and refused to use the high end PCs that hey provided
He respects Andy Miller (NRG CEO) and HECZ but says that the attitude of not being able to easily monetize their teams is "piss weak" and there needs to be a risk.
He says Chaos EC shouldn't be cutting their roster and should be competent enough to be able to figure out how to make money off their team.
He says there are still opportunities in NA and people are panicking and pulling out, and says Valorant will be the same if not worse.
He also says "bums" who couldn't even get out of groups in NA competitions, are making crazy money in Valorant and says it will continue to inflate.
He also said that he heard rumors that EG (Evil Geniuses) are done.
He also thinks that the rumors of a Valve franchised league from before was sparked up from "these lazy fabled weak NA fucking team owners basically trying to see if Valve would bite at the hook if it was dangled and they didn't"
Slasher says NA team owners are really in favor of franchised leagues because they want to make more money. "Most of the powerful team owners right now are on board with ditching this third party organization structure, or they are trying to play this power politics with all the TOs, and that is contributing to a lot of the problems there"
RL says that Riot has proved they can run a franchised league (LCS) and will be profitable in 2021 which is what a lot of team owners care about and says the competition will only serve to snatch people away from CS.
RL continues to say, "I am so sick and tired of what we have done to this scene, I am just exhausted with it." "I think we have legitimately fucked it, I really think we have. I think we're staring into almost like a CGS (Championship Gaming Series) wasteland in NA." "Counter-Strike esports is a fucking joke."
Talent
"TO's have treated CS talent like absolute human garbage for years now."
RL says that people like Sean Gares and ddk switching over to Valorant isn't for financial reasons because they are making less over there.
He points out that TO's can't even give talent a 3 month in advance calendar.
Because of the pandemic TO's won't hire certain people and some people are working more hours for the same money.
He says we as a community don't respect journalists enough which is why we don't have good journalists.
He also says DeKay is leaving the scene soon and that Thorin is close to leaving also
He says he had to talk a caster down from quitting and was struggling to find reasons.
He says that DreamHack told Vince they would hire him but not if he wants to stick with dusT and says that this is the norm in esports. "Constant leveraging of people against each other." and says this is why we don't have a talent union.
New gen casters are getting put into shit situations and the community's reaction to them is adding fuel to the fire
He says the reason Moses left was because of the terrible conditions
He says that Anders had to constantly leave his family and kid because someone fucked up or broke promises and had to constantly tell his kid to their face that "daddy can't be home this weekend."
He says that esports has always been a lie to sell you this dream, "Meanwhile there's about 2% of the cunts getting all the checks."
Valve
"Anything that Riot does, is better than Valve's inaction"
Slasher says that the larger aspect of esports as a whole compared to other entertainment mediums and Valve's lack of inattention are the bigger problems. He continues saying that the fact that Valve let their game be ran as an esport, they need to take on the responsibilities of it.
Both Slasher and RL wants Valve to take control but not on the level of Riot Games, there needs to be a balance.
In case it was ever a question: Gabe Newell has been to 0 CSGO Majors.
RL calls Valve out saying they could have done something during the gambling era.
He says Valve used to come to the majors, but doesn't think they do anymore.
RL had met with Valve at the Cluj-Napoca Major and had tried to appeal iBP's indefinite punishment and had also gave Brax's life story:
A recent family member passed away, they had lost a lot of income, they had to live in trailer, iBuyPower did not pay any salaries, and was pressured by family to make money who didn't support his career.
RL said that Valve told him, "How dare you try and make us feel guilty." "We shouldn't feel bad about enforcing the only thing that matters that we need to make players afraid of: cheating and match fixing"
RL also tried to share other info about match fixing and nothing came of it
RL points out that Source 2 or a new engine is not something you will want based on the experience of transitioning from CS 1.6 to CS:S. "Valve's track record with brand new engines being launched, not fucking great from what I remember."
Slasher says "If there is anything the community should do, is pressure Valve to hire a community manager."
They say that we need a commissioner, a community manager (not the person who runs the Twitter who posts memes all day), then we need to have a circuit
RL reiterates that Valve doesn't care about CS esports and says they need to change the culture at Valve to make them care about CS esports
Slasher says a systemic problem is making it so working on CSGO would be a bad decision for you as an employee for Valve
He also hasn't talked to Valve in ages and have sent over bugs and cheats and doesn't get emails back anymore
Slasher says we should be directing attention at the developer leads, pointing out Ido Magal, if he even is still the project lead
RL thinks that Ido and Brian are the only people that "vaguely even give a fuck about CS" and were the only people that RL recalled that actually read Reddit and paid attention from time to time
"It is really fucking precarious. Somebody has got to step the fuck up and start giving a shit"
Slasher suggests org owners, with CSPPA, with ESIC, with TOs have a concerted effort against Valve
"Riot Games are doing better things than Valve in the esports space" which is something RL didn't think he'd say.
"People who used to be talent, working with unions, arguing with other talent, when the unions fucked them over, can't understand their perspective, TOs fucking over broadcast talent, broadcast talent wanting to leave and go and work for orgs, orgs having no money, Valve might take coaches away because all the coaches are cheating, ESIC has about 4 people in a fucking call doing the investigations, everyone thinks they're spies for ESL, ESL are just the evil fucking overlords wanting to rule the scene and will just somehow, like cockroaches outliving a nuclear bomb, and Valve are in a fucking holiday in Hawaii thinking about the next Dota character because they don't give a fuck about us."
Closing Statements
"We've peaked. If we want to sustain and exist, now is the time to figure it out. No esports lasts as long as this, we've already done 8 years. We've already broke the records. We have got to figure out a way to coexist and drive the negative forces out and we need to do it as a collective and we're not doing that."
RL compared the Counter-Strike scene to the people on the Titanic who ran around with guns robbing people while the boat was sinking.
"We have given up on being a respectable esports scene." "We are now a conduit to make money for those who want to just milk it, just have one last ride, one last roll of the dice. It's done." "What a fucking mess. What have we done to our fucking scene?"
"There's just too much self-interest driving all of this." "I don't see a way we stop the dominoes." "When it's that bad, when there's that many dishonest people that ESIC have to come out and say that if we punish them all there's no one left. What does that tell you?"
"How many opportunities have we had to clean house? How many times have we said, 'this must never happen again', and another scandal." "The entire skins betting operations was the biggest criminal conspiracy in esports ever executed and no one has been punished for it." "The people who could be driving that don't want to."
"Right now people are fans of those organizations because the scene has value. It is worth being a fan of Astralis because they are excellent at Counter-Strike. It is worth being a fan of s1mple because he is the best player in Counter-Strike, maybe the exception of ZywOo. If the scene is devalued, if the scene loses its meaning, those things lose its meaning too, and people will leave, people will stop tuning into the games. I have seen it happen in multiple esports, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I am getting big Brood War vibes right now and I don't like it."
"The role you play in all of this as fans, as viewers, as listeners, as consumers of esports content, it's absolutely imperative that you know who the good guys are. It's absolutely imperative that you use your voice. It's absolutely imperative that when things are bad, you know who, at least, is trying to make them good, and you have to apply your criticism to the right targets."
He continues saying it's no good in continuing to attack ESIC and saying how they are bad, ESIC have it hard
He says CSPPA are on the right side of the argument on BLAST but have been on the wrong side of many arguments many times.
"If you are not willing to stand along side the weakest member of the union, with the least amount of influence, and the least amount of power, then it is not a union at all and you shouldn't pose as one." "You wanna serve a bunch of special interest do it, everyone else in esports fucking does, but do not pose as something you are not." "We love the players. I've been fighting for players rights for as long as I've been able to, but the CSPPA is not what we needed."
"They are not applying the pressure to the right people, they are not fighting the right battles, they are not helping their weaker members."
He says what orgs have done by keeping or hiring coaches is bad. "When you give up on holding an appreciable standard, you've lost the scene" "Competition matters, rules matter, punishments matter, achievements matter, excellence matters" "If you start stripping that away, you have nothing" "You guys need to take that knowledge and apply it sensibly."
"Valve has sold you all down the river, they sold everyone in the esports scene down the river, tournament organizers are selling their talent down the river. Don't hate on them for sounding tired after a 16 hour day. Don't hate on them because the hype for a matchup they've seen for the 20th time in the past 3 months, they can't be as excited or it sounds contrived. Support your guys, they're there for you, these are your people."
"This community has got to start acting like one for the first fucking time. Just put the petty shit away, let's try and fix this fucking scene while we still have one to save."
"You can't rely on Valve, you can't rely on ESL, you can't rely on the CSPPA, you can't rely on anyone." "Once again, it's gonna be the likes of us, the amateurs, the people who give a fuck, rolling up our sleeves and grafting." "I'm old and tired and I don't want to have to do it again. People need to pick up the torch and do it."
"Like Michal did, like Dudenhoeffer did. You see something wrong, fix it. You see somebody doing something wrong, call it out. If you think something could be better, let people know."
"Vote with your wallets if you're not happy with the direction Valve goes in. If when we do get to the Major, they serve up another subpar, same old bullshit stickers and signatures package again, do not buy it."
"You're a powerful block and if you use it correctly we can fucking avert this disaster."
"I'm not doing another year in this broken, bust-up fucking scene, where everyone is miserable, everyone is broke, everyone is tired, and everyone is trying to fucking rob everyone else, blind, while the fucking people who are meant to be protecting you, are just fucking enhancing it and lining their own pockets."
"I'm not doing it anymore and you shouldn't want to do it either."
"I stand by every fucking thing I said. I mean it, because this game fucking matters to me, this scene fucking matters to me. I put my life into this, my adult life, and to see it in this state is fucking sad."
interesting variable found similar to UNDERTALE's 'fun' value
i'm sure that by now at least some of you have seen the screenshots of humphrey saying "I fucking love air conditioning." chances are you thought that this was an edit, as there's a very high chance you didn't see it on your playthrough even if you talked to this npc. for those unaware, let's start off with UNDERTALE's fun value. upon starting a new game, your save file has a random value from 1-100 assigned that will change a few things such as NPCs appearing or phone calls happening. if you want to read more about it (and have it explained better) click here! and now, i'd like to introduce to you the 'WTF' variable! at the very beginning of the game when you first leave NEIGHBOR'S ROOM, a number from 1-13 is rolled. this roll decides the value of your 'WTF' variable. there are a few things that change depending on it; basically, the higher your 'WTF' value the more things you'll see. all of these (aside from two) do a check for if your WTF is greater than or equal to a certain value. it's a bit messy and i'll probably edit this post to make it look cleaner later but here's a list of (as of v1.0.4) all the things that WTF does!
TIFFANY DARLING in the CASINO gives clams depending on WTF. 1-3 WTF = 2,000 CLAMS. 4-6 WTF = 1,000 CLAMS. 7-9 WTF = 500 CLAMS. 10-13 WTF = 100 CLAMS.
if WTF ≥ 2, the 'photo of someone familiar' will appear in the JUNKYARD TUNNELS 2 map. Interacting with OMORI as the leader results in it making a creepy noise then disappearing. Other characters tagged will just get the same text as the photo in NEIGHBOR'S ROOM.
if WTF ≥ 3, a HANGED BODY appears in the top right of the end of the LOST FOREST map. Going near it plays SE_bs_creature2 and it disappears.
if WTF ≥ 4, a cockroach named 'SIMPLE ROACH' appears in the top right of the KITCHEN map in SWEETHEART'S CASTLE. Interacting with it plays a line of dialog before it fades away.
if WTF ≥ 5, a SEACOW named 'ROAMIN' COW' will appear on the ENDLESS HIGHWAY. Interacting with it gives dialog.
if WTF ≥ 6, an NPC named 'BLUEGIRL' appears in the SCRIBBLES map in BLACK SPACE. Interacting with her gives dialog.
if WTF ≥ 6, in the ABANDONED HOUSE INTERIOR (houses off the CURRENT MAP to the left of the dock with MARI) a SHADOW BASIL appears for 19 frames when leaving the room
if WTF ≥ 6, 'WTF MARI' appears in MOM'S ROOM in the bed if variable 'Mari_Door' is 0. (this one still requires more testing, 'Mari_Door' seems to be increased by opening the door for the jumpscare at the beginning of the game. looking more into the code just confused me further, will be tested more soon.)
if WTF ≥ 7, 'Running Melon' appears in the to the right of the igloo in the map that leads to SNOWGLOBE MOUNTAIN. This melon runs away from the player, giving x1 TOFU if smashed. (NEUTRAL/ALT. route only area)
if WTF ≥ 8, the SPELLING BEE appears in the EXPERIMENT 667 inside HUMPHREY. It uses the same dialog from the TRAIN STATION and disappears after the CHIMERA sequence.
if WTF ≥ 8, in the CURRENT MAP (go to the left immediately on the dock with MARI and swim to the left) on the 2nd island to the right a 'SHADOW BASIL' NPC (BASIL'S GRANDMOTHER) will appear with a line of dialog.
if WTF ≥ 9, 'DADDY LONGLEGS' appears in PYREFLY FOREST in the map with the RARE BEAR. NOTE: this is the one of the only two that lacks proper testing due to being harder to potentially replicate. if anyone has seen this please let me know, otherwise it'll be tested in the next couple of days.
if WTF ≥ 9, a SQUIZZARD appears in the bottom right of the SEACOW FARM map. It spins around and does nothing.
if WTF ≥ 13, HUMPHREY says "I fucking love air conditioning" then sets a self switch to say the normal dialog
if WTF = 13, on a neutral/alt route, sleeping until tomorrow results in the MOVERS becoming shadow sprites, much like the HEADSPACE 'STRANGER' characters. NOTE: this one did not work properly when tested, however there could be something wrong with my methods haha.
nothing really huge happens from it but i still think this stuff is super neat, it's always possible that we could be surprised with more added in updates as well! i'm going to update this post when i test a few of these more thorougly but i wanted to put this out here since i haven't seen any documentation of this anywhere outside of me talking about it in the discord haha. another interesting thing to note is that the variable for it is '143' which appears to have been a deliberate choice as there are plenty of unused variables before this number that it could've been. this number appears in a few other very specific instances as well and i'll post about that as well tomorrow. EDIT: made the post on 143, check it out here! today was a bit of a hectic day with me switching ISPs and also discord plays omori completing so i didn't get around to testing anything, i'll try to make the time tomorrow!
Is the Crying of Lot 49 Partially about Disneyland?
Ok, so, I was recently rereading The Crying of Lot 49 last night, specifically Chapter 3, and I do feel I have a strange hypothesis about sections of that chapter that may be a complete projection, but the more that I look into the content of the sections I will parse out in particular, and the more research that I do, the more evidence seems to fall in place that sort of freaks me out and confirms my theory. Being freaks yourselves, I thought this would be the place for me to project my world, so to speak, and see if what I’m seeing is in any way based in reality or if I’m instead way off base. My hypothesis is that Chapter 3 of The Crying of Lot 49, and specifically the Lake Inverity/Bone charcoal/Tony JaguaFangoso Lagoon section might be subtextually about Disneyland. I have struggled to find much about these particular sections of this chapter related to Disney. I own J. Kerry Grant’s A Companion to Lot 49, have scoured the Pynchon Wiki, read the reddit post discussion for Chapter 3 of this book, and tried Googling as much about it as I could, and I haven’t found anything to suggest Disneyland, so this is either a relatively new idea or one that is inaccurate as hell. Oh, boy! To begin, I will say, I am fascinated and obsessed with Disneyland and Disney World which is maybe why I found some of the information I found within Lot 49 to begin with. One could say I have a perverse fascination with the 2 theme parks which has led me to all manner of revelations. In the same way that Pynchon, being from what I can tell, a heretical Catholic, has a perverse fascination with the sacred through the filter of the profane, I am somehow deeply attracted to and obsessed with all things Disney even though I think they are essentially a fascist, culturally banal, destructive force. Similar to how I believe Oedipa may have with Disneyland in the novel, I “fell in love with it (41).” What can I say? The first half of Chapter 3 which I will focus on, involves Oedipa’s continued revelations. She gets her first peek at WASTE, the Tristero, the posthorn, and the Boeing-esque Yoyodyne is introduced. The plot of the novel really starts to thicken, or to put it a different way, the tapestry, the maaswork, really starts to come together, narrative threads criss-crossing every which way in all directions at once. A resource that was helpful for much of my understanding of this chapter and even just in how I read much of Lot 49 in general is Charles Hollander’s article on the novel: “Pynchon, JFK, and the CIA.” I’ll post it below. https://www.vheissu.net/articles/hollander_49.php Chapter 3, according to Hollander, is where some of the first hints of JFK’s assasination are placed. According to Hollander, this chapter uses allusion, parody, analogy, and enthymeme to encode its secret message about the JFK assassination. Mike Faloppian’s Peter Pinguid Society’s Dallas chapter certainly suggests this. I mention this, partially, to say that, in a way, I could maybe call what I’m trying to figure out here “Pynchon, Disney, and the CIA,” since in many ways what I’m wrestling with is what I perceive to be many hidden references to Disney's shaddy dealings throughout 40s and 50s Californian history. Disney World, in particular, does have a direct history of involvement with the CIA with regard to how it acquired its real estate holdings, for example, which interestingly enough is what a chunk of this chapter is about when it comes to its references to Inverarity (not Disney World, but real estate holdings in general, Inverarity's more specifically). The first section of the chapter that gave me some strange vibes regarding Disneyland was the section where Metzger, Oedipa, and the Paranoids go to Fangoso Lagoon, “one of Inverarity’s last big projects (40).” I will quote some of these sections below where these vibes first made themselves known. “Somewhere beyond the battering, urged sweep of three-bedroom houses rushing by their thousands across the dark beige hills, somehow implicit in an arrogance or bite to the smog the more inland somnolence of San Narciso did lack, lurked the sea, the unimaginable Pacific, the one to which all surfers, beach pads, sewage disposal schemes, tourist incursions, sunned homosexuality, chartered fishing are irrelevant, the hole left by the moon’s tearing-free and monument to her exile; you could not hear or smell this but it was there, something tidel began to reach feelers in past eyes and eardrums, perhaps to arouse fractions of brain current your most gossamer microelectrode is yet too gross for finding (40-41).” This first quote stood out to me because it reminded me of the printed circuit Oedipa sees in Chapter 2. At the beginning of Chapter 2, Oedpia looks out at the landscape and sees it as deeply controlled, planned, almost machine-like or circuit-like. I don’t think this is a wildly different passage from that one. It, like the previous seciton forces the reader to ask the question: how did America come to be how it is now? This is an important question Lot 49 is always forcing its reader to ask. How did the deep conservatism or fascism creep in? Would the answer not be the subject of this book? Communication systems. What company is in charge of some of the most monopolized forms of our communication systems to this day? Disney, of course! Is this an accident? Was it planned? The malignant, magic forces referenced in Chapter 1 may have made it so, may have “urged [the] sweep of three-bedroom houses rushing by their thousands across the dark beige hills (40).” Surely the Walt Disney Company has done as much as any to reinforce suburban 3-bedroom forms of existence that have had a stranglehold on our cultural existence for so many years, than just about any, right? But this was just where I started to get the first inkling of vibes about Disneyland. To continue with another quote: “They came in among earth-moving machines, a total absence of trees, the usual hieratic geometry, and eventually, shimmying for the sand roads, down in a helix to a sculpted body of water named Lake Inverarity. Out in it, on a round island of fill among blue wavelets, squatted the social hall, a chunky ogived and verdigrised, Art Nouveau reconstruction of some European pleasure-casino. Oedpia fell in love with it (41).” This is where my paranoia really got going. Much of the description of the passage above does not sound like a man-made lake or lagoon. Far from it. Lake Inverarity is described as “a round island of fill,” that contains a “social hall,” and as a “Art Nouveau reconstruction of some European pleasure-casino.” That sounds much more like Disneyland than just a man-made lake created by a real-estate developer? Also with Oedpia being a consistent parody of housewives in suburban America, it would make sense that she would fall in love with Lake Inverarity if it is, in fact, Disneyland. Plus, there might be another hint in the name Lake Inverarity itself, since it is the only holding named after Inverarity specifically, just as Disneyland is named after Disney himself. I don’t believe that Inverarity is a direct analogy for Disney specifically, but I do believe he is instead an analogy for any of the unseen hyper-capitalist forces that have come to dominate our culture, Disney clearly being one example. And just a side note before I continue with some of my evidence. It would make complete sense, this being a novel about Southern California, its real-estate development, and history, that Pynchon would eventually have to get to Disneyland. It is a property in Southern California, that especially between 1955 and 1965 had to have HUGE influence. How could he not incorporate it even if it was only referred to passively or encoded into the references of the text (much in the same way Hollander argues that Pynchon does the same for JFK’s assassination). There is another passage that REALLY got me convinced about my above theory, the section where Manny DiPresso is discussing the bone charcoal “used in the R&D phase of the filter program. Back around the early 50’s.” Here it is: “Presently the bodies sank and stayed where they were till the early ‘50s, when Tony Jaguar, who’d been a corporal in an Italian outfit attached to the German force at Lago diPieta and knew about what was at the bottom, decided among some colleagues to see what he could salvage. All they managed to come up with was bones. Out of some murky train of reasoning, which may have included the observed fact that American tourists beginning then to be plentiful, would pay good dollars for almost anything; and stories about Forest Lawn and the American cult of the dead; possibly some dim hope that Senator McCarthy, and others of his persuasion, in those days having achieved a certain ascendancy over the rich cretini from across the sea, would somehow refocus attention on the fallen of WWII, especially ones whose corpses had never been found; out of such labyrinth of assumed motives, Tony Jaguar decided he could surely unload his harvest of bones on some American someplace through his contacts in the “family,” known these days as Costa Nostra. He was right. An import-export firm bought the bones, sold them to a fertilizer enterprise, which may have used one or two femurs for laboratory tests but eventually decided to phase entirely into menhaden instead and transferred the remaining several tons to a holding company, which stored them in a warehouse outside of Fort Wayne, Indiana, for maybe a year before Beaconsfield got interest (47).” When I read “which may have included the observed fact that American tourists beginning then to be plentiful, would pay good dollars for almost anything,” I could not think of anything but Disneyland. In his historiographic metafictions, Pynchon often superimposes historical realities onto present ones in order to make political, social, and religious commentary that would otherwise be inexpressible. An easy example is the fact that Gravity’s Rainbow is a novel about 1960’s America set in Britain during World War II. In the above passage, if Pynchon is superimposing the strange, seemingly random history of “an Italian outfit attached to the German force at Lago diPieta.” and is using this as an analogy, to project a world that speaks to his present day, I don’t know how Pynchon couldn’t be referring to Disneyland. The novel is set in Southern California, the place where Pynchon lived in 1965. Wouldn’t Disneyland, the rise of tourism, how that was changing the landscape of America and hijacking the “family,” its communication systems, propaganda, and culture, wouldn't all that have been on his mind? I have a few more quotes and then a possibly even more major revelation before I feel I can finally feel I’ve made my point. Later on in the Lagoon, the Paranoids start smoking pot, and the following happens: “[B]y holding up the glowing roaches of their cigarettes like a flipcard section at a football game, to spell out alternative S’s and O’s, attracted the attention of the Fangoso Lagoons Security Force, a garrison against the night made up of one-time cowboy actors and L.A. motorcycle cops (49).” I believe this “one-time cowboy actor” reference to be a reference to Ronald Regan, a fixture of southern California and one-time cowboy actor, and yet another thread in the patchwork connections to Disney. On October 24, 1947, Walt Disney and Ronald Regan both testified against communism, naming particular individuals they found nefarious communists within the film industry (another communication industry, one could say) before the House of Un-American Activities Committee. Which got me thinking, with all the mob references in the above section about Lago diPeta and the bones, was Disney ever involved with the mafia or mob, with “Costa Nostra?” I didn’t find much, but I did find something extremely interesting, which also led to one final even more strange realization. Read the link below, it lays out the story of Willie Bioff, a mobster who attempted to but failed to help break up Disney’s Union Strike in the 1940’s. https://babbittblog.com/2016/10/09/disney-and-the-mob-willie-bioff/ This may seem unrelated to Pynchon’s “parable of power,” but earlier in the chapter when Mike Fillopian is discussing Russia and America, clearly also, yet again using a historical detail as a historiographic metafiction, superimposing a historical reality onto a present one, in this case, that of the cold war, when Fillopian mentions “After the confrontation, appalled at what had to be some military alliance between Russia...and a Union that paid lip service to abolition while it kept its own industrial laborers in a kind of wage-slavery (36),” its fairly clear which side of the picket-isle Pynchon would have been during an animator strike of Disney in the 1940s, or any strike for better treatment, for that matter. In Lot 49, Pynchon has written a "parable of power" about the various ways the circuit board of American life has reinforced the indentured servitude of supposed abolitionists, which in our modern world, could easily be a stand in for the structures of neo-liberalism. And nothing on this earth is more an example of banal neoliberal capitalism than Disneyland, nothing (except for maybe Epcot, of course). This is a lot of information, and I may not have done a very good job of connecting it all or being as explicit as I could have at explaining how specific references hint at Disney throughout the chapter, and this has already become too long, HOWEVER, I have one final piece of information that blows my DAMN MIND that is likely coincidental, but which I still could not believe I found. Inspired by the book and wanting to find more connections in the tapestry, I started doing research into Disney’s involvement with the FBI and found some public records about his direct involvement with them on the FBI's website. Walt Disney was a SAC (Special Agent in Charge) for the FBI, according to these documents, for a period of time, interestingly enough, in the late 50s. There are literal letters to Disney from J. Edgar Hoover himself to Disney in these documents. I’ll post them below along with a number of other links that discuss Disney’s connection to the FBI, the last one being particularly fascinating in its connections to the novel. https://vault.fbi.gov/walter-elias-disney/walter-elias-disney-part-01-of-03/view http://www.schaakstukkenmuseum.nl/?p=2195&lang=en http://jfk.hood.edu/Collection/Weisberg%20Subject%20Index%20Files/F%20Disk/FBI/FBI%20Press%20Use%20Of/Item%2009.pdf https://www.mouseplanet.com/8987/The_Mickey_Mouse_Club_FBIs_Most_Wanted I very much suggest looking at the Mouse Planet link above. If you have read The Crying of Lot 49 and know who Baby Igor and Metzger is, I VERY MUCH SUGGEST IT. Upon reading this and looking at all the other material, I discovered that there was a child-star, mentioned specifically in these documents, that was to be the child used in a set of documentaries Disney was to make as propaganda films for the FBI specifically, promoting them to the public in 1958. This child’s name was Dirk Metzger. I shit you not. His name was METZGER and he was a child star whose father was in the military. READ THE ARTICLE. His daddy, his doggy, and HIM! And guess what, look at what his profession became after being a child actor in these films? Guess it was: he became a lawyer!!! Baby Igor himself! In the flesh!? Look at the article. It’s all there. I can’t fucking believe it!? Now, I admit, this is all probably just a coincidence. Being 14 in 1958 would put Metzger at being only 21 or so in 1965 when the Crying of Lot 49 came out, so it is unlikely that this is exactly what I think it is, a direct, real, historical correlation, but who knows? Pynchon lived in California at the time. Who knows whom or what he may have come across... Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there. Maybe Disneyland is nowhere to be found in the California of The Crying of Lot 49. Maybe this is all, as Hilarius would say, a Rorsoch blot. Maybe I’m simply hallucinating. I will say though, either way, I do think the political exigence of The Crying of Lot 49 has done its work on me. Even if this is only an ink blot, a world I’m projecting rather than one that is actually there, I have certainly done more thinking about Disney, its union-busting, suburban-infused. McCarthy-ian underbelly than I have, maybe ever, and that power, and Pynchon's parable of power he wrote in reaction to it, is something that is very much alive and with us today, it is a power that is still creating indentured servitude and whose malignant, “formless magic” is igniting all around us. Hopefully I, like Oedpia, have gotten a little closer to understanding how it works and counting its line of force. Maybe, “If the tower is everywhere and the knight of deliverance no proof against its magic, what else?”
Rachel Schneider ENG 477 Date 1/11/2021 Marsha Blackburn A Writing Portfolio I want to write my own fiction stories one day; I have had a book or two swimming around in my head so I will put the computer to good use and get that typed out one of these days. In this instance I chose my 5 stories and even though one is a marketing inquiry I had fun writing it, so here are my things and some background some of them. Resume: It is a basic one because my photo ones were not particularly good, and this is an honest resume besides the ones I made for class and I did fudge on those. Cover letter: I made up the cover letter though there is a penguin Books but it is always fun to use your imagination! Hike with Drew: I got the concept from a Writer’s Digest and entered it into a contes I never got a response but good practice. Short Story Vegas: Was one I did for another class but in here I changed it and the story was much better the second time. Marketing Flyer: This was fun to do those are stock photos of the dogs and squeaky toys, but I like Pit Bulls and dog toys are fun as well. Scott part 1-This is a story I am working on with another writer, warning its very sexy and some naughty words are in there as well. Writing Samples: I made these three samples up one day because as I have looked for writing work, I have seen people want a sample of your work, so I came up with these. Rachel Schneider 3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 📷 951-743-8911 📷 [email protected] 📷 Rachel Schneider 📷 Rachel7Tori-Twitter 📷 📷 Objective To get a career going in the fiction/short story writing industry my imagination can run with any scenario and to write is to live. 📷 Education Bachelor of Arts in English | Grand Canyon University 2017 – 2021 Took 15 different writing courses, creative writing and even two fun marketing classes all to polish up my craft. Carried a 3.0 GPA and did the courses all online as well. No Degree Obtained | Riverside Community College June 1994 – December 1996 Took these college courses but did not finish got 32 Units of Child Development Courses though which is what I was going for 📷 Experience Cafeteria Worker 1 2008 Currently Employed. Cook, Prep, serve food in a middle school setting, also clean, count inventory and do next day prep, cash handling and POS register experience. Bell Ringer | Salvation Army November 2007 – December 2007 Rang bell and collected donations for the salvation Army in front of various stores during the holiday season. 📷 Skills Food handlers Card CPR First Aid certified Grammar Proficiency Spelling Proficiency Can work from home 📷 Activities Have good use of social media and can help update or bring in new followers with my creative writing side. Have a Reddit account as well with 30 stories up on that site. Can speak a little Spanish and Hebrew as well. 951-743-8911 [email protected] 3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501
Rachel Schneider
Writer
Penguin Books
Dear JENNIFER MCGREGOR,
1/21/2021 Jennifer McGregor Fiction Publisher 4587 Tropicana Rd. Las Vegas NV 89102 I have included my resume for the short story writer for young adult novels. It has been a few years, but I currently work in a middle school, so I do see all the angst and sass that goes with being a young teen. I do hope my writing samples can help me move to the top of the list. I look forward to working with Penguin Books and letting kids know being a teen is hard at first, but it does not last forever. Sincerely, Rachel Schneider Rachel Schneider 3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 It had been a long cold winter Drew and I could not get out for a morning hike till today. Being 75 degrees, we did not have to wear many layers. He is an extremely sweet inquisitive boy who always asks a lot of questions. Why does moss grow on the north side of trees” he asks? Its times like this when it would be nice to have my husband here, but he is overseas where the work is. “well, it’s not just the north side it’s on the shadier side because that is where the moisture is.” On we went looking at snails on the ground watching the deer pass by along a ridge. Being quiet as to not startle them. “Mom he whispered it’s a bunny den they are coming out for food, he leaves a few carrot and lettuce scraps from last night’s dinner. I walked down the path and spotted some glorious Blue Jays and a Downey Woodpecker. “Listen Drew the woodpecker is getting the bugs out of the trees.” My sweet Drew was staring at the Bunnies, they are cute and fluffy after all. We followed our path down further after the bunnies went back to the den. The skies were getting cloudy, so I hoped the rain was not going to come back. Though the weather report said there was a chance. My little explorer with his school uniform on was undeterred, I wish I could wear shorts on a 75 day and not be cold, it is always nice to be young. Walking along our path we spot some squirrels running in circles around the tree. “Why do the chase each other like that” Drew asks. “Maybe it’s a game for them like ring around the Rosie.” On we trek to our favorite stream where the deer family are taking their drinks. I tell Drew we cannot skip stones right now we do not want to scare them. We look through the grass for more of his favorite bugs, saw some worms just below the dirt by a tree. Looking up we see a big spider web being made between two branches. The crows were making their calls in the distance. We are finally able to skip our stones in the stream. He gets some great skips going, and we collect some new rocks for our little garden back home. Walking past the stream we climb up the embankment and up along the ridge where we see a Fox off in the distance. He or she walks the opposite direction we are going so it is a relief we can continue to the clearing. Where there are more bugs, rocks, and Bunnies. We pass the Deer family as they run up the hill to were, they mostly frolic or maybe they live up there. We stop for a snack of Apples, Almonds, and some cheese sticks. When we were finished Drew put a couple of slices in his pocket to feed the Bunnies, I am sure. “Mommy we’re getting to the clearing now we can see the Bunnies and the last time Daddy, and I were here I got some neat rocks too.” Drew told ne enthusiastically, I did love his passion for nature, though again my husband is much better at the nature stuff. I am a pastry Chef ask me about desserts and I am your woman, about why moss grows on trees and hello Google. Since Dad is unavailable, I step in and let him explore and see the world outside of the house and off the screen. It is just another half mile and it is on to the clearing. He starts to pull me hand a little harder I know he is excited. We pass under the tree I glance up and see the Fox again. Then we stop and see “Daddy home…… Name: Rachel Schneider Course: ENG 361 Date: 4/14/2020 Instructor: Debbie Graves One Week In Las Vegas The countdown started Friday at 2pm I got the week off from this thing I call a job (just over broke). The car was packed, it was time to hit the road. The traffic was average and climbing the Cajon Pass was not that bad. I stopped in Baker to have my favorite meal at Bob’s Big Boy, the chili spaghetti, no onions. After making my way back on the highway the traffic picked up going out of Baker, through to Primm and Stateline. I had to stop for gas at Whiskey Pete’s, so I also went in and got some snack goodies. My favorite trail mix and some cheese potato chips because vending machines are too expensive. The road was beckoning so off I went, traveling through Jean is always nice, not much to see. A prison, a few remaining casinos, some outbuildings, and a truck stop. There slogan was always fun 40 smiles closer than Vegas. You can get bored so be sure to pack some music you can have your own car concert. “I’ll face it with a grin I’m never giving in, on with the show” (Show Must Go on by Queen) Finally, the Vegas skyline is in sight, the lights are not on yet, but they will be needing to navigate around the strip. I do say a few words the terrible drivers. This vacation was so needed my job is crazy, my kids are older now and do not need mom around anymore. Off they went to grandma’s house and I booked the week at the Delano, it is attached to the Mandalay bay so perfect access to all the fun of the strip, and just enough luxury to not look cheap. Getting the valet to take the car I check into my genuinely nice room I have a great view of the Luxor light (that comes off the top of the hotel) and the Excalibur. Now off to indulge in that genuinely nice bathtub and get some overdue reading done. My bathroom with a view has the Luxor light and that is the brightest light on the Vegas strip it comes right out of the top of the Pyramid shaped hotel. A brightness of 42.3 billion candela, you could read a paper from 10 miles straight up if you wanted to. Once I was well soaked and finished with my chapters it was time to find something to eat besides my snack foods. After cruising the room service options, I settled on some Mexican food of chorizo and eggs with nice corn tortillas. That hit the spot so with the extra energy it was time to get out for a stroll of the property. The indoor pool is nice but small and I want to soak up the sunshine and get some exercise so I shall hit the outdoor pool tomorrow. Back in the lobby I grab those ads for things to do in the city so I can plan out the rest of my trip. There are thousands of things to do in Vegas. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything done, that is what the next trip is for. I have a beautiful week and I want to have a good time and not have to wait for anybody, I can do what I want. I got those and cruised up through the lobby and toward the casino on my way there I saw a sign for a food and wine festival. With that guy Zac from the travel channel. Thinking hmm I did not know he was interested in food or wine. I went down and found my favorite penny slot game Lucky cat. After 15 minutes I came out putting 20 in and winning 500, so I called it a night and went to the bar to catch a hockey game and grab a fun fruity drink (I like tequila sunrise, (Tequila, grenadine, and cranberry juice). As I am rooting for the Golden Knights (local Vegas hockey team) I looked over to my left and there was Zac from the travel channel, and he likes hockey too this is awesome, and I am trying not to be a fan girl. The game was in intermission and the Knights were winning so it was time for a new fruity drink so this time I turned around to get back to the bar and bumped right into Zac, boy was my face red. After some apologies and an offer to buy my next fruity drink (a Strawberry Daiquiri) it was a yes and I spilled that I was a fan. He told me he does have an interest in food and wine not just chasing ghosts with his crew. We had some great conversation and when the game came back on, we both sat in the booth cheering the golden knights to their victory. Now I am buzzed and standing up was going to be fun, but Zac was a true gentleman and helped me to my feet. He offered to buy me dinner. The Taco Hut was a good place the tortillas were fresh, and the company was so cool. The conversation turned to food, wine, travel, and some stuff about me. The midnight hour rolled around, and Zac had an early morning, so we said goodnight, but he was staying one floor above me, so we agreed to go to the diner in the lobby for breakfast or brunch. At 10am I was enjoying my company and this great stick to your ribs breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and some great watermelon) The food offerings in Vegas are so varied you can get everything from a hot dog and beer for 1.99 at the Orleans, to a 5-star meal at Caesar’s Palace the buffets are great too. Although sometimes you want a nice sit-down dinner. The conversation was effortless the attraction was deep. We made plans to see each other again after the food contest he was judging was over. Saying goodbye was a bit hard but the hand holding was sweet and made me feel like a schoolgirl again. After saying goodbye and I did watch him walk into the convention hall I went back to my room to plan out the rest of my day. I chose a tour of the Mob Museum, they say that Vegas was built with Mob money, but it was a Mormon founded town that later Hollywood discovered. Then many people in Hollywood who were well connected (such as East Coast mobsters) financed Bugsy Segal to build the Flamingo Hotel. As I was putting my shoes on, I got a knock on the room door and as I opened it, I got some flowers (pink roses) and an all-access pass to the food and wine festival courtesy of Zac. Let us just say the Mob Museum can wait for later I got to go to a food and wine festival and spend the rest of the week with Zac. “hi Zac thanks for the flowers it was sweet of you to remember.” He said, “It’s always right to remember a ladies flower preference because that’s the right thing to do.” Smiling the rest of the day I meet other travel channel celebrities and got to taste some great foods and many different wines. The food and wine offerings at the hotels and restaurants are varied, the Las Vegas area have become very international, so the varieties are endless. The week went by in a blur of food, wine, conversation, and some sweet dates. I never thought I would get over the break-up that happened the week before. Getting a private Vegas tour was something completely special. I did get to see the Mob Museum, Mandalay Bay Fine Art Museum, seven magic mountains, Pinball Hall of fame and a private dinner at the food and wine festival. My days in Vegas were down to one. We had reservations at Rivera right here at the Delano the view is amazing, the food is impressive with Italian and French offers. “I have had a wonderful time this week Zac thank you for mending my broken heart.” He looked at me for a minute and said, “it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and I would not mind visiting your hometown, you always have a reason to come back to Las Vegas. The next food and wine festival is around Christmas, this one will include chocolate.” Hitting the 15 early the next morning I have visions of Christmas, a pass to the food and wine festival, also a brand-new relationship to take back home with me. The End When writing a short story, you want to keep it from rambling and have enough details to keep it fresh. When your reader gets into the story you want them to feel like they are there with you, going to the food and wine festival, on that hike through the seven-mountains or touring the mob museum. The details are the thing to see and make sure to watch out for punctuation and common language. An average short story is within 6,00 words or 24 pages. If you wanted too you could go short-short story and that is between 500 and 2,00 words. That comes out to be 6 pages (Minot, Steven Ch. 7 pg. 41), talk about short stories. The story is all your length and style matter as much as how you want it to come into focus. Minot, Steven and Theil Daniel Three genres the writing of literary pose, poems and plays Ninth edition Pearson Publications 2012 Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium August 18,2019📷📷 24755 Holly Grove Way Brookings OR, 97415 Dear Dogs, Rule the World I am Rachel Schneider from the Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium we make extra bouncy dog toys for our furry friends. We investigated different marketing companies and choose you to do our direct to customer marketing. The way the website is set up the customers can get the product’s directly from you is easier than a multi-level marketing plan. The distribution of Bouncy Dog Toy will be a one level channel, we will provide the toys you market, and we sell them. I would like to get some videos of our company dogs Mac and Stella playing with the toys so you can post on the website. A link for the company can also be included so the consumers know where the toys came from, what they are made of and any other facts about Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium. Sincerely, Rachel V Schneider Mac and Stella company dogs and testers 📷 📷 📷📷 📷A sample of our products, our bounciest toys. Scott’s Story Part 1 I am Scott Thorn, and I am going back to WDU for the first time in 15 years, I went here for a year but after I came out as gay there really were no gay dudes. I am all men but yeah lesbians were all around some BI guys but no real gay dudes. I went back to the mainland and attended Preston University I majored in administration and minored in Literature. I did at one point in my life have a girlfriend and wanted to marry her, but I could not quash the gay lifestyle. That part of my life is over and now the old school offered me a counseling job, have not done this in a while. I get to help students toward there after college career. I sit here on this boat and keeping an eye on my 75 Triumph I have some nerves, but it is mostly about seeing this place again, so as the boat pulls up, I get my bike going and make a stop at my new on campus apartment. Its west facing because I like sunsets more than sunrise, so I did not know it needed so much work. I have some handy skills but a little at a time. The kitchen is decent and so is the bathroom. The floors will need some polish and the deck needs to be stained, this is a duplex, so I hope the neighbors are quiet. It is furnished and done nicely so I cannot complain too much, but back on the bike to see the Dean. I get my bike set with the kill switch and walk up the way to the Admin building, I am pretty much the only one dressed. I am wearing my good black jeans and my dress shirt, in my favorite color Maroon. I do remember this place was obsessed with sex so I will stick out wearing clothes, as I enter the building at least more admin people are dressed. Miss Grant the secretary shows me to my new office, its spacious much bigger that my last one at Preston where I shared a cubicle with another person. I have files from past students and current ones, so I started filing them when Dean Kane walks in, booty shorts and a tank top. “Welcome back to WDU Scott, we look forward to seeing you succeed you come very recommended.” I could hardly concentrate because this Dean was hung but I persevered and said, “Thank you sir I look forward to helping young students find there after WDU careers.” After he left, I had to get my rise to settle then I continued filing and looking through some files. Clarissa Love that was a name that got around even all the way to Preston. I think she does the Jax in the bedroom or something like that. I started looking around and thought I need some life in this office so I asked Miss Grant about decorating and she said I could do what I wanted but no painting, so I went to town and checked out a flea market. I found some pictures of the beaches of Canada, some old homes in the area and a few movie posters from Rocky horror Picture Show (it is my favorite). The flea market said they will deliver to the school tomorrow so I told them I will be there at 9am. Now with my day done I get to the store to buy some groceries and realize this place uses sextons and I was down to my last few, so now I will need to exchange but thankfully a bank is nearby so I can get some of my mainland money exchanged. I pull up to my new pad off load my few groceries and notice some other tenant left beer in the fridge, talk about luck. I got the beer went to the deck and watched the sunset over the sky. It was going to be new here, but I needed a fresh start after getting dumped and losing the job because my ex was in upper management, never will I do that again. I will find someone who does not work in the school system. After I ate a roast beef and cheddar sandwich for dinner, watched some cooking shows it was time for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard the neighbors having sex. Oh, goody they are not quiet. hope they do not have super energy either. Tomorrow is my first full day and I have decorating to do, fantastic they stopped, that is the thing with us older people we do not fuck like bunnies anymore. As far as I know the neighbors are lesbians so who knows. Sample 1- If I try my hardest, I could muster up enough courage to ask the prettiest girl in school to prom. I had a suit; bolo tie and I will shine my old boots up. The thing is my courage is not as strong as my best friend Nick, now there is one brave dude who just asked the girl I wanted to go to prom with and of course she said yes. I gather myself close my locker and put on my best smile for them both. Nick and I high five and I hug her, trying to be genuine but it is hard. I head to my Social studies class and sit down next to Megan she looks at me with some concern I tell her what happened, she then asks me to Prom…... Sample 2-Wishing I did not have to be here I sit at the back of the funeral and think about my old high school principal. I grew up in a small town and everyone knew everyone, we only had one school and you went there for kindergarten through senior year. After my graduation I packed up my old car and headed out to what I thought was the real world. Living in a bigger city only helped spur my loneliness so who says you cannot come home again, well Mom for starters because I abandoned my family, I am not welcome at home ever again (so tired of her drama), so I am staying at Principal Mason’s house yes, the same principal that I am at a funeral for I held her hand as she lay there succumbing to cancer…… Sample 3-If you really want to get over a breakup getting back on the horse will help things along. I thought that too seven lousy dates ago so here I am on date number 8 and I am not seeing any birds singing or rainbows in the sky. He steps away to take a call he is a particularly important lawyer after all (I need to fix my picker) after he comes back, he says it go time the jury has come back so off he goes. I finish my drink and head back to my brownstone close by, I pass the new chocolate shop that just opened, and I get inside and see chocolate heaven. Looking around I do not see him at first but there he is my old college lab partner Sam I just saw a rainbow…….
Hello. Just joined Reddit so that I can post this. This is ALL about my ex husband, whom I came to realize about a year after divorcing is a COMPLETE NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE including but not limited to: gaslighting, manipulation, guilt trips, whining, "my way or the highway" mentality on many things, etc. WARNING: MENTAL ABUSE, MARITAL RAPE TL:DR Ex husband is a gaslighting, manipulative narcissist who hates the close relationship I have with my family. He has tried everything to get me "completely under his control" (including trying to make me move away from my family to be close to his, to isolate me). No is NOT in his vocabulary. His idea of a perfect marriage is a 1950s wife subservient to husband and basically worships the ground he walks on, just taking all the abuse. So here's the long, miserable story of my longest but worst relationship to date (I am currently in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man who is THE UTTER OPPOSITE of my ex) Backstories: Me - I have a great relationship with my close knit family. I love family things, trips to see family, spending time together, etc. EX - The asshole. He and his two brothers were adopted by an already retired couple when my ex was 12 months old. His dad constantly gave them EVERYTHING because they were "HiS BaBy BoYs" (they had 2 daughters, both of whom are in their 50s or 60s and have children and grandchildren of their own), none of the three boys were disciplined and if their mom tried, she was reprimanded by their dad. Things that I now realize are red flags will be marked as such I (26F, but 15 at the time) met my ex husband (27, but can't remember if he was 15 or 16) in my freshman year of high school. We talked sometimes, always around a mutual friend R (who was a junior or senior at the time) at the end of our required gym class. We never did anything more than talk. A few years go by, I had turned 19 recently, and this was, I think March. I went to WalMart with my mom, my younger sister (who is now 19), and a female cousin that my sister and I are really close with. We are just walking around looking at makeup, nail polish, etc... The section next to that is pets. He is there with his friends, and one of the friends' moms (who I came to find out years later is ACTUALLY INSANE). Anyway, we talk for a little bit, I think nothing of it. At the beginning of May, I get a message from his brother on Facebook. He said EX sent him a letter from jail (major RED FLAG) and told him to send me a message on Facebook, expressing that he wanted to see me after serving his sentence. So he does. June 13, 2013, he shows up on my front porch at 9 in the morning. I invited him in, and after a little bit of talking with my family who was all gathered there, meeting and introducing etc, he asks my mom and dad if he can date me. They agreed, impressed that he would actually ask their blessing to date me first. So, we start dating. I return to school in September (I was lucky to be in a school that started the year after Labor day) to finish the credits I needed for my diploma, which I did in about a month. That was in October. The first Halloween as a couple was spent with me sick on the couch, and my parents allowing him to stay the night, sleeping in our armchair across the living room. Our first Christmas as a couple was spent with him in jail for non payment of previous incarceration-related fines (RED FLAG). So, when he got out of jail again, we spend the next week together from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed every day. In May 2014, he ended up moving in to my parents' house with me (little did I know that was a HUGE mistake!!!!). We started off living in the basement because we also had some other family members staying with us while they searched for a new house. It was then that I learned he would sometimes be needed to help his cousins and their dad with their firewood "business". Sometimes I went with him, to get out of the house, but every time they would ask me to babysit the kids (his cousins' 4 stepsiblings, basically the definition of crotch goblins) while they all packed in the truck and went to the casino "because they earned it for their hard work" (RED FLAG). By the time my relatives moved out, we found out I was pregnant (twins, one didn't make it past 7 weeks gestation), so we moved upstairs into another room. Things went smoothly for the most part, but he started going to his cousin's house more frequently. He claimed it was to keep things stress free for me.... Yeah, BULL. SHIT. We ended up getting married a couple weeks after my 21st birthday (I kept joking "Dammit I can't drink! But you all can drink for me!!"). Starting at about 30 weeks, I began feeling labor. Contractions, pressure, all that jazz. At about 33 weeks, I started having really REALLY bad contractions. I went in, and they ended up sending me to a hospital with a NICU just in case. Everything got back under control, and I was sent back home. EX started yelling at me about all the false labor and saying "The next time this fucking happens it better be the real fucking thing or so help me" (DUDE!!! I CAN'T FUCKING CONTROL IT!) and then he said "I'm going to my cousin's. Don't call me, even if you really go into labor. I'm fucking pissed off" (RED FLAGS). At my next appointment, my mom and I (because guess who was still pissed off?) found out my false labor was because I somehow had mono. Crazy..... Anyway, the day finally came. My water broke, and we headed to the hospital. I got settled in, EX settled on the couch, my mom settled in the rocking armchair. I had to be induced because my labor wasn't progressing. 19 1/2 hours total of labor, 1 hour of pushing, and my little princess was here (currently 5). Her twin (we affectionately named Jelly Bean, because of the way it looked in the ultrasound images) was calcified in the placenta, sooooooooooo tiny!! HiS mAjEsTy EX couldn't be bothered through the night to sit with me and hold my hand through the pain and discomfort because he was "tired" (RED FLAG)........ Yeah, tired, my ass!! My mom stayed up with me holding my hand, and SHE cut her granddaughter's cord. Hospital policy stated that we had to wait 48 hours before release, for observation and helping mother and baby adjust. EX spent maybe a total of 20 hours in the hospital room with me. The rest of that time, he spent walking out to the main road to smoke cigarettes, and walking to Taco Bell to get food (it may or may not be a RED FLAG). After we got back home, he bragged to everyone that he bought everything we needed for our daughter (RED FLAG). No, no he didn't. The strollecar seat combo, the bath, the bouncer.... everything that was BOUGHT was bought by my parents (except the play yard/bed, my aunt bought that because my daughter was born a few weeks early). The things that weren't bought by my parents (a tiny percentage of the clothes and toys) were gifts from the baby shower guests, or from friends I had on Facebook. It was shortly after we became established as a family (EX, newborn daughter, and I), that he really showed his narcissistic rainbow of colors. Every night, he would go to his friend's house to smoke weed and play Magic the Gathering (a card game my whole family used to play). He would come back in the wee hours, sometimes just before dawn or just after, and if I was awake, he would beg me for sex. If I agreed, it was usually reluctantly (hence, marital rape). If I wasn't (or pretended not to be), he would go to the basement and masturbate. A few times he fell asleep while doing that, and he was lucky I woke him up so he could put his little buddy back in his pants before anyone saw it. After he woke up, he would go fishing, or meet up with another friend, or ANYTHING that involved not being home and supporting his wife and newborn daughter. Before he left, he would tell me "You have (this list) to clean before I get back". If I didn't have it done to his unspoken specifications, he would yell at me (RED FLAG) for hours about it (HELLO, I AM TAKING CARE OF YOUR FUCKING NEWBORN CHILD 24/7 BECAUSE YOU WON'T GET UP OFF YOUR ASS TO HELP ME) and then say "Fuck this shit, I'm going to my cousin's". If there was something that I was upset about, he thought the only solution was sex (marital rape again), instead of talking about why I felt the way I did. "I'm not gonna solve the problem. Here, let's try this bandaid solution that works for me but does nothing for you, and you should feel better because I do". This went on for over a year. My daughter's first Christmas, we had his mom staying with us (she's such a sweet old woman, and I wish we could have stayed civil, but she hates me for divorcing HeR bAbY bOy). He had a fight with my parents over his constant use of the basement, so much that almost no one could even do laundry as we have the washer and dryer down there. He ran off in a huff, packed a bag, and got ready to go to his cousin's yet again. He wanted me to come with him, and I said no because we had planned for MONTHS to go to my uncle's house a few hours drive away and spend Christmas Eve with them (my favorite uncle and family, we only get to see them once a year if we're lucky). He kept saying "When (cousin) gets here, if you don't go with me, you can expect the silent treatment all weekend".... His mom went with us to my uncle's house and we all had a great time, except when I spent an hour crying over him being an asshole. The final straw was Halloween 2016, when my daughter was almost 18 months. I was getting things around (a lot of parents I knew especially around my small town make getting ready for trick-or-treating an all-day thing), and EX said "I'm going to visit with my friend. I want all this shit picked up and cleaned before I get back, or I'm not allowing you to go trick or treating." So in my mind, I thought screw that, I'm just going to continue getting us ready! So I did. He got back, and in a sickeningly sweet voice he said "You didn't get everything done, but since I'm a nice husband, you can still go. I'm going to help my cousins so I might not be here when you get back" (RED FLAG). When we got back, his wedding ring was sitting in the middle of the screen on my charging phone (RED FLAG). I was devastated. I messaged him, trying to get clarification. He said that it fell off his finger when he was changing his clothes (BULL. SHIT. It took a ton of pulling to get that damn ring off, there was no fucking way it "just fell off").... I told my parents, and they helped me see what an asshole he was, it was no accident, and if he constantly threatened divorce when he got pissed off, I should give that to him. So I did. I messaged him and said that he could come back to get his things, and we were over. When he got back, he constantly switched between crocodile tears ("Think of what we have, I won't do this again I promise, It's not what you think, BLAH BLAH BLAH BOO HOO") and rage ("What the fuck are you gonna do without me, you're a bitch, you're never gonna find someone else, no one's gonna love you if you keep telling your family everything BLAH BLAH BLAH YELL YELL"). He threatened my dad and uncle, before yelling "FUCK YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY BITCH" as they drove away The next day, I did file for divorce. And he did his best to creep back in. We had to serve him an eviction notice because he lived there more than 6 months. The whole 30 days, he stayed there at night. A few times he came into my room to "show me he was sorry" with sex (again, marital rape, as I had JUST filed for divorce). While he was still at my house, milking that damn 30 days for all it was worth, he was supposed to sleep in the living room, with my dad and uncle keeping watch. He snuck back to my room while they were both sleeping, because he probably wanted to "show me he was still in control of everything". The last week or so before the eviction notice was up, I stayed at my (alive at the time) late grandmother's house because of everything EX was doing. It has been a safe haven for me through the years, and I especially appreciated it at that time. My cousin was also staying there with her two kids (she now has 4). One day he showed up and was telling my daughter "Yeah, daddy's doing real good. He's gonna get you back, yes he is! I got a lawyer, I got a job, I'm getting my own house too" (all lies), and my grandma with her fiery redhead temper "OH, THE HELL YOU ARE!!!!!" and EX had my grandma, my psycho aunt, and my cousin all defending me and my daughter. I went back inside to keep all 3 kids busy, for one because they didn't need to be in the middle of that verbal sword battle, and for two grandma had a pretty small door so there wasn't room for me anyway. Grandma told EX that if he stepped foot on her property again she would call the cops for trespassing. He did, so she did. He was escorted back to my house (with only 3 or 4 days left of the eviction) while my aunt yelled after him. The next day he wrote up and got notarized a note saying that he would give up all right pertaining to the house and items of (my address). And he left. A month goes by, and he snuck onto the back deck (the bedroom my daughter and I were in was an addition after the house was moved to its current location in the 1950s and leads onto the back deck) and knocked on the window scaring the living shit out of my daughter and I. We ran out to the living room to my dad (by this time his health problems had gotten so bad he couldn't walk up the stairs to his bedroom anymore) and we called the cops. They found him a few houses away "acting innocent" after investigating the yard. Footprints matched, and he went to jail for trespassing, as we could prove with the note in his own writing he gave up his rights to anything on our property. He ended up trespassing multiple times.... Close to my birthday (2017), he decided we wanted to finally begin his visitation. So he took his first.... The. Day. Before. My. Birthday......... He then called our landline phone asking to make sure my daughter was ready for her time with daddy. My dad then took the phone (turning on speakerphone) and asked if he knew it was my birthday. HE LAUGHED AND SAID YES THAT IS WHY I'M TAKING MY VISITATION NOW! I was devastated. I cried all that day. I cried the day he took her. I cried every time the phone rang, because he called to gloat that he had my daughter "Here, listen! Hear how happy she is? (laughter at my expense)". That night, he GLORIOUSLY called and asked if we could come pick up both of them. Obviously everyone that could, packed into the vehicle and we went to rescue my daughter. So we brought her back home (with extra baggage...EX). The whole way back home he kept saying "I couldn't get her to sleep, she wouldn't sleep, she didn't this, she didn't that." (NO SHIT!!! SHE WAS BREASTFED AND DIDN'T LIKE THE TASTE OF COW'S MILK AND NEEDED HER OWN MILK TO SLEEP) "But when we get back, she's sleeping in the living room with me. It's still my visit". And I internally laughed the whole way home. When we finally got home he said to me "Go ahead and take her back to the bedroom. She'll only cry out here." Aye-aye, captain. That was a great birthday, because I got my daughter back. In the next 5-6 weeks, he only took a couple overnight visits at his buddy's house (which he gave my daughter PTSD from shoving hamburger down her throat, so she's afraid of new foods, and he locked her in a dark bedroom by herself so she screamed for 6 hours while he played a card game with his friends and that made her afraid of the dark, and combined with knocking on the window at night gave her night terrors that she still occasionally has), but the majority of his visits, he asked me to pick her up for some excuse or other. Some of them he ended up taking at my house (mini story, he went through my phone which I should have taken with me in hindsight while I nursed my daughter in our bedroom and discovered I was talking to another man romantically, and blew up stating we were still married because the divorce wasn't finalized, and he was kicked out and told he could never come back). In mid-April, EX sweet talked me into reconciliation (hindsight is 20/20 BIIIIIIGGGG MISTAKE), so I went to his friend's house whenever it was his day for visitation. Every time it went the same: we get there, he sets her up to play with his friend's daughter's toys, I sit on the couch with EX sitting uncomfortably close. We do something with his friends, go back to the house, make dinner, get ready for the night. He sweet-talked me during each of these visits into having sex again (since the divorce was not finalized, it was marital rape again because I first said no). Over the next 3 weeks, I made excuse after excuse to NOT see him ("(daughter) isn't feeling well, I'm not feeling well, I have chores to do, (daughter) is already sleeping" etc). Sometimes I relented, to my eventual dismay. The final straw in that God-awful reconciliation: May 27, 2017, my younger brother graduated. So did his friend's sister. He showed up to the school gym "to support (friend's sister)" (no, it was because my brother was graduating and he knew I'd be there). He took my daughter under the pretense of "giving my back a break" but after the grads threw their caps he said "Ok (daughter), tell mommy you'll see her in a few days because daddy wants to see you!" I was livid. He told me he would give her back at the end!!!! So after I got home, I packed a bag for me and my daughter, and I went to his friend's house. The sister was sitting at the table with some of her friends drinking beer (I could have called the cops for underage drinking, but I was "nice"), while EX and his friend were in the backyard starting an absolute MONSTER of a bonfire, and one of his other friends was watching my daughter and her son in EX's friend's daughter's bedroom while they were playing. I should have picked her up and took her back home then and there but I didn't. I stayed. There was a cookout. People left. Only a small handful of people were left and stayed because they didn't want to drive home drunk. I pretended to sleep, but I was awake all night. At about 6 in the morning, I left my sleeping (soon-to-be) EX, and I took my daughter back home. At about noon, I got a message that I need to come back and apologize to his friend's sister. I said Why? I didn't do anything wrong? So he explained that the sister and another friend (also underage, also drinking) told him that I made a snide comment about her drinking at her age and that someone should call the cops and I needed to apologize. I tell him I never made any comment of the sort, I was telling the truth, and why didn't he believe me? So he retorted I needed to come apologize because it's his friend's sister. I agree to come over and apologize, although I said nothing of the sort, and the only comment I made was in my head. So I do. I left my daughter at home with my mom, and went to apologize for something I didn't say. That was the last time my daughter saw her dad, visit wise. I stayed inside, basically a prisoner in my own home but by choice, for a month. The only time I left was to go shopping at Walmart. When I finally decided to venture bravely out of the house into my own town, my mom, daughter, and I met my auntie, her kids, and her boyfriend at the park. He showed up, and tried to kiss me and hold my daughter. I handed my daughter to my mom because if I continued to hold her, I knew he would try to grab her from me, and I would let her go because I would never hurt my own daughter. I also knew HE would NEVER try that shit with my mom. He caused a scene, and my auntie's boyfriend called the cops. Cop showed up and question us. In questioning him, EX basically said point blank, if he got his hands on my daughter, he would kidnap her. The cop kept telling him to go to court because he couldn't do anything about custody issues. The cop finally left, but EX didn't. He wouldn't. He refused. I ended up getting in my mom's van, while I waited for EX to leave. Auntie's boyfriend had enough and asked my mom if he could take the van for a drive. We drove through the town's "rich neighborhood" and when we got back, my dad and uncle were there. I told them all what happened, and dad said I should call the non-emergency line and report sexual harassment because EX tried kissing me. The officer said someone would be by to give all 4 adults a statement to fill out. An officer came, gave us the blank statements and left. We all filled them out, and took them back. EX was arrested a week later. I got a PPO (personal protective order) After he got out of jail, he kept deliberately trying to run into me. I saw him looking for me constantly. Every time he did, I went somewhere else. At least 4 times, he went to jail for a PPO violation. After the 4th time, the prosecutor told me that if it ever happened again, he would be sent to PRISON for a LONG time. My divorce was FINALLY finalized on August 14, 2017. EX has not seen me (but I have seen him around town) since then. Thanks to everyone who read my whole story. I am happy to report I am in a long distance relationship with a WONDERFUL man who is THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE of EX. Due to the pandemic we can't as of yet, but as soon as we can, we both want to get married so he can adopt my daughter and get EX out of our lives for good.
Rise of Hellion ch13 ( Barry Pepper fanart fiction inspiration)
Rise of Hellion ch13 ( Barry Pepper fanart fiction inspiration) previous: https://www.reddit.com/BarryPeppecomments/koihsy/rise_of_hellion_ch12_barry_pepper_fanart_fiction/ The flight touched down, under the early morning sky. I could practically taste the Cinnabon frosting. It had been over a decade since I’d been on an airplane but I loved hanging around the terminals for the delicious overpriced food. Baron placed his hand upon my shoulder. “What happens in Jersey stays in Jersey,” he said with a laugh. “I thought you’d be bitter.” I leaned on his shoulder as we waited for the seatbelt light to turn off. “You thought I’d be bitter about flying as a passenger instead of a pilot?” Baron shrugged, as he stretched his arms over his head. “I’ve always loved Alaska Airlines. And if I was flying the plane, I wouldn’t have been able to spend time with this little guy.” He tickled little Abby’s chubby arm causing the baby to smile. “I can’t disagree.” In the weeks following our arrival at Dr. Toki’s DC bunker, Baron grew close to my son. The three of us shared a room; two cots on the floor with a padded plastic box for the baby. Like all babies little Abby cried; for food, diaper changes, or just out of loneliness. Nine out of ten times, I would awaken to find Baron holding my son. Sometimes he’d walk around the small room, other times he would sit cross-legged on his bed, but every night was a different story about Noah. I learned things I knew I was never meant to know about. In the years they spent traveling the world as renowned criminal masterminds, Noah and Baron had become more than friends. They fell in love. “You daddy was the greatest person I ever knew,” Baron often said as he rocked my son in his arms. “He was the last person I ever truly loved.” I listened as Baron, by the light of the moon, told my infant son stories about his many adventures with Noah and Nash. Some boarded on the obscene; drugs, weapons trafficking, and all manner of sex. He never outright said they were lovers, only that they trusted each other with their mind body and soul. “It tears me up inside knowing he’s gone. I know this is all my fault, his blood is on my hands. We should have died together. Noah died the way he lived; with honor and integrity. But then I never would have met you.” That was how I knew Baron could be trusted; he loved Abby with every fiber of his soul. “Yo, Nicki,” Baron said, tapping my arm. “The plane’s empty, time to go.” “Oh,” I took a quick breath, forcing myself back to reality. Baron grabbed our one piece of luggage, a plain black backpack with a limited number of supplies. Axel had passed it along to us before going through security, so I had to assume it contained no weapons. We walked down the corridor to the gate at Atlantic City international airport. “Can I hold the bag?” I asked, since he was already holding the baby. “Sure.” Baron took off the straps and tossed me the bag. It was lighter than I thought it would be. Inside was a lot of fabric; some rolled, some folded and some pieces were clearly hiding items made of plastic or metal. I figured I shouldn’t be examining its contents right away but with the chill of the airport I wanted to see if there were any extra clothes for my baby. No, Abby was our baby. Seeing Baron holding the child in his arms, all I could feel was love. “Oh look!” I fished out a blue, baby t-shirt with a happy dolphin. “Let’s put it on him!” Baron did as I asked, maneuvering Abby’s wiggly little body. With his fresh new shirt, he looked like a cute little tourist baby. In fact, we looked like a typical vacationing couple traveling with their newborn. I knew that Axel and Dr. Toki were monitoring us from the safety and comfort of an unmarked medevac vehicle somewhere within a six-mile radius. Ideally, they would follow us, observe from a distance. If and when we found Tony, we could get the hell out (to the nearest TAC bunker.) Until then Baron and I were to look for clues along the boardwalk. “Should we get a hotel room?” I asked. “Certain military leaders didn’t give us any money, so unless you have a credit card?” “I could probably pick pocket one.” “Way to blow our cover,” he said with a laugh. “Nah, we can deal with the issue of housing when we need to. With any luck Axel and Dr. Toki have plans to get us out, so we don’t have to sleep on the streets with a baby.” We walked a further, to the land of sun, sand and casinos, stopping to rest on a bench. “Let’s see what’s in the bag.” There were more shirts, pants, a few flattened bottles to collect water, or maybe even breastmilk. I placed each of the items neatly on my lap, hoping that I would not miss anything important. However, in the end, the only item of importance was a package of baby wipes. There wasn’t even any diapers. I had to assume, if I needed to change my baby, I was meant to use the extra clothing. (Same for first aid, due to lack of bandages.) “You really don’t have any money?” “We can always shoplift,” Baron said cheerfully as he tossed the baby in the air. Abby squealed with joy. I could feel my heart flutter with joy. “That’s the New Jersey spirit!” “There has to be a Walgreens around here someplace.” We easily found a corner store with the iconic red signage. Baron picked up a basket and headed to the food section; packaged drinks, dried cereal, candy, etc. “What do you think happened to Anya?” I asked, following close. “Since you’re the last person who saw her.” “She’s going after Axel,” he answered casually. “And you’re ok with that?” “It’s her deal, her quest or whatever.” “Or whatever?” I asked. His tone was really starting to piss me off. Axel was my friend, a human being. But so was Anya. And that was why my soul was being torn in half. “Anya’s going to do what she has to do but for the sake of all of us she’s going to act alone. That way the blood will be only on her hands.” I saw his point. If and when the time came, we were under no obligation to choose sides. “How thoughtful.” “You need any diapers?” Baron asked. He was holding an open package of men’s shaving razors. Grabbing a single replacement head, Baron somehow managed to break the plastic apart without wounding his fingertips. I assumed he was going to cut open a package. “No, I’m good. He has on a cloth diaper and I have enough supplies to make an extra. But I could use some soap.” I grabbed a package of off brand bar soap with an image of a happy Asian baby. Ideally, I could use this for washing both skin and clothing. After easily leaving the store with everything we needed, we ran in the direction of the beach, hoping to get lost in the crowds. Suddenly out of nowhere the sky darkened and the clouds swelled with rain. The storm came down hard and fast, transforming from freezing rain, to pin-sized hail. In the distance there seemed to be a homeless encampment. Without any words spoken, we both knew to make a run for it. The tent city consisted of a series of tarps connecting individual homes. There were a few spots that had people huddled around campfires. Men, women and children sat wrapped in dirty, wet blankets, as they struggled to stay warm. Not wanting to take any of their limited resources we walked until we found a sparse area with just a tarp surrounded by barrels and broken pallets. The space was just enough for Baron and I to sleep side by side, resting the baby on his chest. “Here,” he said, sliding the backpack in my direction. “You can use the bag as a pillow.” “Thanks.” Unable to comfortably sleep I found myself staring up at the blue tarp. As my mind started to float away my mouth spewed out the words that I thought I’d never say. “What happened between you and Noah?” “What do you mean?” Baron asked in a whisper. He knew perfectly well what I meant. “Feng told me he gave Noah the same opportunities he gave you. Yet somehow you ended up as his right-hand man with full access to his arsenal of weapons guns and even his appointment book.” Baron swallowed a lump in his throat. “Your point?” “Why didn’t you convince Noah to come with you?” Baron went silent. He held the baby close, shivering. “You don’t think I tried?” He blinked tears from his eyes. If he’d been angry, I would have continued the conversation; I would have wanted to know why he had the right to mourn the father of my child. But Baron wasn’t angry, he was in pain. “I think we should get some sleep.” “Yeah, totally.” I knew better then to try to ask for my son back. Abby was an emotional support baby and Baron needed him more. I made myself comfortable on my bed of plastic and leaves, pulling the tarp over my body for warmth. “Good night.” There was a moment of silence before we were awoken by Abby’s cries. Baron sat up, rocking the small baby, attempting to keep him warm. “I think he’s hungry.” “Give him here.” I had gotten better at breastfeeding, but with how cold it was I would have preferred to keep as covered as possible. “Can you help me with my tarp-blanket?” “Sure.” Baron helped cover my body, allowing the baby warmth and privacy. “Thanks.” I looked at Baron with genuine love in my heart. “Thank you for being my friend.” I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, mixing with the freezing cold rain. “Thank you for everything.” Baron blinked tears from his own eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You really want to know what happened to Noah?” “Yeah, I do.” I looked down at Abby, who opened his eyes as he nursed. He had Noah’s courage and strength. “I can still remember that night. Even if it was for just a moment, I felt like I had friends, a real connection. That was never something that came easy for me.” Not that it mattered. It was yet another fleeting moment of happiness in my shit-show of a life. Baron lowered his shirt, revealing his upper chest. “Feng gave me an augmentation; I have an inorganic core made of some kind of plasma. I used to think it was radioactive but I have reason to believe it was created as a means of unlimited projectiles.” “And it keeps you warm?” That explained why Abby loved being held by him. “Well, the power came with a complimentary suit of armor that allowed me to be the perfect little henchman.” “You mean body guard?” Baron shrugged. “I assumed that was Feng’s original plan.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, mentally preparing for the worst. “And Noah?” “He wasn’t down for it. The only reason he surrendered to Kitsune was to allow you and Anya time to flee.” “Oh.” I felt like my heart stopped. I should have realized it from the beginning; that was the only reason we were allowed to live, because Noah truly loved me. “We were turned over to Feng. I could only assume she thought Feng had the ability to extract Noah’s mind; his intellect, his secrets. But he didn’t. Feng needed Noah to volunteer information.” Baron paused, blinking tears from his eyes. “That was the difference between us. My most valuable asset was my combat ability, maybe my strategy skills. All I had to do was pledge my loyalty, and wear the armor, to gain Feng’s trust. For Noah, that was asking too much. His mind contained secrets that could change the world; info that could never and would never fall in to the hands of tyrannical psychopaths.” “And that’s why he had to die.” Since I was finished breastfeeding, I handed the now happy, content infant back to Baron. “Although if it was up to Feng (and it was) well, you’ve seen his set up.” “Yeah,” I said with a nod. “I’m going to see that until the day I die.” “All of his prized victims are kept alive, conscious as their forced to exist as hood ornaments. Feng wanted them to suffer for all eternity, or until their brains turn to pea soup.” “Now I have a craving for split pea soup.” We laughed through our tears. In truth, I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing Noah’s remains. “You hungry?” Baron dug in his pocket, producing a smashed-up Snicker’s bar. “We can split it.” With food in our stomachs, we fell asleep to the sound of calming rain. For the first time since he’d been born, I had a vision of my son as a full-grown man. The sound of rain grew louder, gradually transforming to gunfire. I awoke in what appeared to be a WW2 battle scene. Thankfully I was transparent; bullets passed through me like a virtual reality game, and the area around me felt comfortably warm despite the fact I was standing in snow. In the distance I could see a man leaning on a tree. Eyes closed, he held a cross in his hand. I watched as he kissed the rosary pendent and said a simple prayer. “Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teaches my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.” As I came closer, I could see he was gripping his shoulder while doubled over in pain. That raised the question: why was he reciting the prayer of a sharpshooter? He moved his hand to his waist, slowly retrieving a pistol. “My goodness and my fortress.” He held the gun under his chin, cocking the barrel to his throat. “My high tower and my deliverer. My shield, and he in whom I trust.” “No!” The sound came from behind me. I turned to see a figure wearing pink-purple armor. It was in the same style as what Baron wore. And he or she wasn’t running, they were flying. “Abby!” A female voice cried. I followed as fast as I could, as she rushed to the man’s side. “Lieutenant?” The man muttered, coughing up blood. I now had a good view of his face. It was my son and he was dying. Before I could reach out my hand, the armored woman flew through me. She fell to her knees, ripping off her helmet to reveal a young Hispanic face framed by lots of curly black hair. “Abby, Sir, I’m here. It’s going to be ok.” She pursed her lips, smiling at him, through visible tears. Abaddon lowered his weapon. “You need to flee.” With trembling fingers, he lifted his free hand to cup her face. It was obvious that leaving was the last thing he wanted. “This is a battle we cannot win.” “Not alone, Sir,” the soldier replied with confidence. Why was she calling him Sir? I could barely make out a patch on his arm. It was possible he was an officer. The young woman lifted his arm, adjusting him over her shoulder. “I’m not leaving you behind. The nearest medic station is about six kilometers south of here. We can make it.” Before he could reply, she lifted his broken body in her arms, flying off into the night. The world started to spin as the scene changed. We were now in a poorly lit underground hospital. I could tell it was underground since every few seconds the room shook with the sound of gunfire and other (louder, more violent) explosions. Abby was laying on a cot with his bare chest exposed. He had several fresh bullet wounds, as well as deep scars. The woman was by his side, having taken off her armor she rested her head by his shoulder, holding his hand. “Why do you call me by my rank?” “What should I call you?” “My name is Sundra, but my friends call me Sunny.” “Is that because you sparkle like sunshine?” he asked with a subtle smile. Abby moved his free hand to her cheek, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to stay, Sunny.” “I want to stay. Call it my street gang code of honor; a little something, I picked up from my grandma.” She turned her wrist to reveal a tattoo. It was a stylized diamond with the words, ‘Lucy in the sky.’ Sunny started to softly hum the melody of the famous rock song. “Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Sorry, the title is the only part I know.” She kissed Abby on the forehead. “My papa’s name was Denny. He was the first of my family line born in America. You really remind me of him.” A gang member named Lucy with a son named Denny? That couldn’t be a coincidence. I moved closer, to get a better look at her face. She kissed Abby down his nose to his lips. There were tears in his eyes. “I’ll never forget you.” Sunny turned, briefly glancing in my direction. “Do you think she’s here, in the room?” “I know she is,” Abby replied, looking up at the ceiling. “Even as a child, I could always feel my mother’s spirit watching over me.” “Can she hear us?” Sunny asked, still looking in my path but not actually at me. “If the calculations and the technology are correct.” “Do you think she can save us?” Her large, emotional eyes, blinked back tears. With every blink she started to disappear, vanishing from reality like a spirit lost to time. When Sunny was completely gone, all that was left was my adult son. His arms were wrapped around the empty space. All around me I could hear sobbing. I assumed this meant I was going to wake up. My baby son was probably crying for food or maybe because of the cold: but I was going to wake up. Right? I wanted so badly to wake up. Wake up! Wake up! I felt a sharp pain. I awoke with a jolt under the tarp, to the collapsing of our little shelter. Touching my hip, I felt blood and splinters. All around me all I could see was tarp. I wanted to scream. Where was my son? Where was Baron? I needed to calm down; breathe, just breathe. I opened my hands, placing them palms down as if I was going to attempt a snow angel. There was a secret, a lock. There had to be. I felt a strange crack in the pavement. Digging my fingertips in, the piece seemed to transform into a handle (or a lever.) Even if it was just a hand hold, it would be my ticket out of the tarp since I could use it to keep myself grounded in place (as opposed to flopping around like a dying fish.) Turns out, it was a handle. I found myself falling down a slide. At the bottom I finally managed to get free of the tarp. Baron was sitting in a dark corner with a finger to his lips. “Shh, follow me. This is a mezzanine level.” He motioned towards what looked like a second series of tunnels. “I’m not sure how deep it goes. We’re not going to slide: we’re going to crawl. I’ll go first and you follow close. Do not lose sight of me. Understand?” “Are you holding the baby?” Baron nodded. “If shit goes bad, I want you to find my body. I’ll protect him with everything I have.” I knew what he meant, and trusted him fully, but I was still afraid. “You’re a better fighter than me.” “Yeah, that’s why I’m going to hold the baby.” “Ok.” Baron and I snuck down the tunnels, we emerged in an underground factory facility. “What is this place?” “Trash processing facility,” Baron replied. “You head left I’ll head right.” “Sure, I guess.” I went left until I saw what appeared to be a light source. I passed between several cargo boxes, emerging in an open area. There was a series of large vats, bubbling with hot oil or (more likely) acid. “Acid?” I had never seen acid before but the scene looked like something out of a comic book. “It is acid,” said a voice from a nearby balcony. “the typical use is to process heavy metals and other non-recyclable materials.” “Faust?” I couldn’t actually see his location. “Today we’re disposing of inorganic material of a different kind.” He hit a button causing a limp body to start to descend. It was clearly Tony, but I couldn’t tell if he was even alive. “Are you willing to make a deal; trade his life for the contents of the battery?” “I don’t even know if the copy I have is real.” And there was also the fact that the infamous flash drive was in a van, in the care of Axel and Dr. Toki. “The one that Baron put on the dark web? Trust me it’s the real deal.” “So, what’s on it?” I blurted out the words, although I wasn’t expecting any kind of logical answer. The man snickered. “Does it matter?” “Yeah, kind of.” “Look, do you want to know my entire evil plan or will you be a good girl and save your beloved boyfriend’s life?” I looked over at Tony. I had no way of helping him. If he was still alive, he was more then capable of saving himself. I had to believe that. “Is it time travel?” “What?” Faust asked with a laugh. “Seriously, what did you just say?” With a flash of light, Faust teleported, placing himself in front of me. He stood tall, in a tailored suit, staring me down with his creepy metallic eyes. “Answer me, little girl.” Why did he look so much like the adult version of my son? Because he was a shape shifter? Or was there something else? “Time travel?” The once stern man cracked a smile. “Time travel is the stuff of movies and fairytales. The contents of the battery will bring this world to its knees.” “Yeah, I’ve heard.” I blinked my eyes as the pieces fell into place. There was a reason why my son had been able to communicate with me so clearly through dreams. “Selective telepathic time travel.” Faust was no longer smiling. “Would you prefer that power fall to the hands of Kitsune? She and her brother, they’d use it to cause a gang war; an apocalypse of weapons and drugs. You wouldn’t want that blood on your hands.” We he seriously trying to appeal to my humanity? “What about you? What’s your plan, to go back in time to give Hitler a migraine?” I knew what his plan was. Or at least I think I did. There was something about Lucy or maybe Denny. What I knew for certain was that the final goal was Sunny; her existence held the key. “You’re not alone, are you? Such a pity.” Faust teleported off, in a blast of blue light. I already knew where he was going and there was nothing I could do. Faust landed on top of Baron as he attempted to free Tony’s body. Both men were knocked in to the acid. There was no sound; no screams, or even cries. Where was my baby? Faust teleported in front of me, holding my son in his arms. “You might not have been willing to save your boyfriend, but perhaps you will be willing to trade for your child.” My back hurt, my arms hurt and my head was pounding, but I ran straight at him, charging like a football player going in for a tackle. I was blinded by a familiar blue light. We had teleported, but to where? I could hear Abby crying. He was alive and that’s all that mattered. I blinked my eyes once then twice. “Fire?” next: https://www.reddit.com/BarryPeppecomments/l2xuj4/rise_of_hellion_ch14_barry_pepper_fanart_fiction/
I don't have anyone to talk to and I just need to get this off my chest. Full disclosure, this is a throwaway account I don't want to be alive but I'm too much of a coward to end it. It started about 3yrs ago when I met the love of my life. She was beautiful, funny, shared a lot of the same interests. At 36 I found belief in "soulmates". I knew she had a pretty shady past with relationships (cheating, etc) but I was honestly able to look past all that. It was love at first sight. She has 4 great kids (I never had any), and they all took to me fast, the youngest even calling me Daddy, even though her boo dad was still in the picture. She wasn't able to have any more kids naturally,but we had been considering looking into medical assistance to have one of our own {This plays later}. I've never been the kind of guy to get beautiful women, never felt I was that good looking. Kinda chubby, not great talking to women. But some how I found this beautiful, sexy woman that wanted me We moved in together about 2yrs ago, and everything was great, perfect even. Then she got a a job at a casino near us, and everything started going south. Casinos, in general, are toxic. Internal drama, rumors, interpersonal "actiivities". I soon discovered, by accident, that she was still messaging some of her friends that were former lovers, or simp love interests (including one that worked at her casino - her supervisor. I accidently saw her texting one of them, and it was pretty inappropriate for friends. I sent a message to her "friend" at the casino, respectfully asking him not to flirt with her anymore, and apparantly I screwed up. I recognize I should have gone straight to her, but I didn't know how to properly broach the subject. That escalated into our very first fight, but we got through it. I thought she understood how i felt about her flirting with other men like she was, and she said she would stop. Around this time I also discovered that her best friend, who we were babysitting his kid, was also a former lover years ago, but I was OK with him,as we had met and became friendly Afewmonths later I discovered she was texting another formerlover, this time sending pics of herself in bra/panties, and reminiscing over past sexual encounters, talking about how she "Loved when his toes curled when she sucked him off", and how he "Loved how she came while riding him". She would disappear for 3-8hrs after work, claiming to be going on drives to have time with herself to decompress, but I later found out that she was actually going to a male coworkers house, and was lying about it. This time I blew up, and it was worse after the last time,and her knowing how I felt about it. Not to mention know that he is mentally unstable, and sometimes prone to violence. He played the victim, and she went on the defensive over her actons, saying how it was harmless, and the pics weren't nude. This fight led to me moving into our spare bedroom for a few months. During that time I felt low, my self esteem was destroyed. I met a girl at work,and even though it never became sexual, we flirtedalot. I honestly wasn't sure if our relationship was over, or would heal. I know it was wrong,and I take full responsibility for my actions, nor try to makee excuses. She had sent some unsolicited nudes, and I didn't stop her. None others were sent after those. At one point she had made a pretty dark joke,and not thinking I made a joke about wanting her to have my babies. The flirting remained light after that, and I had told her I was in a relationship, but it was not in a good place. I think she was taking pity on meandflirting to make me feel better. Shortly after that my GF and I had started to reconcile, I moved back into our room, and even though the flirting didn't stop completely, it died down alot. In the course of reconciling, I agreed to try to be more understanding of her flirtatious nature, and I continued to lightly flirt with the girl at work. One night I forgot my phone at home, and my GF got on and started going through everything. I don't have to spell out how that went over. She pieced together who the pics were from (I honestly can't say why I even kept them), and read through all the messages. Even though the babies comment was made as a joke, she didn't take it that way, and started texting with the girl at work. It blew up, and she almost left, but we agreed to try to work through everything. I completely broke contact with the girl at work, but GF still kept the flirty friends. About 5 months later I had a major falling out with my family, finding out my brother had manipulated my mother into disowning me {eventhough I was taking care of her in her failing health}, and then my entire family disowned me, my brother literally wishing me dead, and trying to destroy my legal credibility. I was able to survive, mentally and emotionally, only because I had my GF and her family(who basically adopted me last year). Even though things were seeming to get better, apparently they were getting worse between us. Our sex life went from almost every day, to 1-2 aweek, to sometimes 1-2 amonth. With COVID I lost my (great) job, so as backup I went to work where my GF works. Last month my cousin had a heart attack and died, and I took it hard {we were more like siblings growing up, but adult life we drifted apart}, and then my brother started in with his crap, trying to make it even worse, trying to egg me to suicide. Again, I survived all this because of my GF and her family. By this point,however, we were fighting more than making love. 2 weeks ago, during another fight, she broke everything off and moved into the spare room, moving everything of her within a day, took away my key to our van, changed all the wifi passwords, and told our youngest she didn't have to call me daddy anymore. And pretty sure she's already had sex with someone else to prove she's over me. One of the biggest thing that hurts, and affects my self esteem and thinking about ending it, is I suffer from chronic pain, neuropathy and gout, and one of the side effects is severe sweating. She keeps saying one of the big things in the break up, is I smell different, and she's not attracted to me anymore. The biggest part of that is the pain sweats causing a change in BO, not gross, just stronger than normal. Even though she hassaid, multiple times, that unchangeable medical conditions would never change her thinking,since she also suffers from different type of chronic pain {Migraines}. I'm not looking for sympathy, I know I've done so much wrong This leads to now, and my emotional rock bottom. In 1 instant I lost my GF {who I was literally planning to propose to at Christmas}, my kids, my friends {that were hers originally}, independent transportation, set a countdown to being homeless {we rent a house together}, and probably die alone. I've considered the different ways to end it, but all scare me that I might faill and survive. This isn't a"cry for help", or a pity party for sympathy, that's why I used my throw away. I just needed to get this off my chest before I get up the courage to do it. Talk to Reddit like it was a person. I've heard all the normal platitudes, "You'll get through this", "There's other fish", "You have so much to live for". I don't though. I literally don't have anything, and even closer to having less, probably skipping the last month of rent to get a cheap car to live in. If I go that long. This isn't a cry for help, maybe it's my manifesto, or my final note. I just know I needed to talk about it. I'll probably get some that will laugh it off and call me an attention seeker, glad I could lighten your day. I doubt it will be today, or tomorrow. But maybe I'll eventually build up the courage. Some will call me weak, or a coward for thinking this way. I already know. You can't insult me more than I do myself. I don't even know if I'll log on to this account again. I'm not condoning the course of action I'm considering, please don't do what I'm considering. If you've made it this far I'm sorry, this wasn't originally a rant. It all just kinda poured out
Playzee Casino was created by a team of all-star gaming veterans who understand what a good online gambling experience should deliver. We provide an A to Zee solution, combining the best titles and the most attractive offers on one optimized gaming platform that’s fully adaptive and can be enjoyed on your desktop, mobile or tablet. Instead of wasting time searching the internet for where to Alongside The Diamond Casino and Resort update, Rockstar has introduced 54 brand new collectibles into the world of GTA Online. These playing card collectibles At The Hippodrome Online Casino we understand the thrill and excitement of online gaming better than anybody and we’re delighted to welcome you to our world of winners. With over 450 premium casino games, including Roulette, Blackjack, Progressive Slots and more, we’ve got something special for everyone. Our friendly Support Team is available 24/7, all year round and we boast some of the Directed by Nicholas Stoller. With Jonah Hill, Russell Brand, Elisabeth Moss, Rose Byrne. A record company intern is hired to accompany out-of-control British rock star Aldous Snow to a concert at L.A.'s Greek Theater. Sugar Daddy Meet allows you to create a dating profile and start connecting with sugar daddies in your area. There are plenty of dating criteria you can use to filter out the type of men you see, but most sugar daddy sites encourage men to make the first move. All you have to do is craft a good profile. 2. SeekingArrangement.com. One of the most popular sites for sugar daddy dating is Facebook Twitter Reddit Pinterest Tumblr WhatsApp Email Share Link. Home. Our Philosophy. Casinomeister has proven to be instrumental in bringing trust, credence, and a level playing ground for the online gaming community. In an industry that still remains to be relatively unregulated, Casinomeister has shown that information empowers the player community in order to make wise decisions when Top Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby dating website. Meet nearby Sugar Babies and find local Sugar Daddies with ease. Start an arrangement, travel, spoil, live, and love today! Australian Reddit forum r/ASX_Bets celebrates fast-and-loose trades on the stock market, with 33,000 users memeing their profits — and losses. The board is inspired by r/WallStreetbets, the 0 votes and 0 comments so far on Reddit 0 votes and 0 comments so far on Reddit
I Am A Former Mafia Boss (Reddit Ask Me Anything) - YouTube
like and subscribe for nothing in returnEnjoy some skittles! Get my favourite kind here: https://amzn.to/2RqbM8I ️Watch more r/AskReddit stories: https://yo... Folgt mir auf meinen anderen Profilen: http://katjakrasavice.fty.li/socialEURE MAMI OUT NOW!!: http://katjakrasavice.fty.li/EureMami I am Michael Franzese, a former made boss in the Columbo Crime family starting in the early '80s. AMA. - This guy is the real deal!Source:https://www.reddit.... Interviews from the road by Andrew CallaghanFull uncut exclusive episodes: patreon.com/allgasnobrakesMerch: https://www.allgasnobrakes.shop smosh torrent subreddit is not epic100 CLUB MERCH OUT NOW! https://represent.com/store/pewdiepie (Thank you)Pewdiepie's Pixelings DOWNLOAD:iOS: https://buff.... Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. Follow along Alexandra Cooper and the Daddy Gang as they exploit the details of their lives, making you fell a hell of a lot better about yours. Relationships, social scenes, embarrassing moments ... Thanks for making 2019 a fun year on the internet. Follow me!Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailydoseof.internet/?hl=enTwitter: https://twitter.com/d... About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators ... Benedict Cumberbatch is confronted with the harsh reality of Reddit reviews, and Johnny Depp discusses meeting royalty (including That One).#TheGNShow #TheGr...